it's late and
you're cold
eyes downcast
perfect, impossible
dark lashes against
porcelain cheek
the contrast
so sharp
that the breath catches
in my throat and
heart beats,
a startled rabbit.
and you look up
a question
wordless
flawless
i just shake my head.
how could i possibly explain
that when i know it's real
the world shifts
perspective spins like
a carousel
and i am
at peace.
Author notes
name: usually-untitled
i really don't like 'porcelain' and i wish there were a better word. sometimes she's all that's real in my world.
A contest entry
- something to believe in. by aanika.
1000 points, ended November 26, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I like the ice-cold and frozen scenery around, I can see everything through the eyes of this poem. Good job!
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wow this is beautiful.
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Wow! Quite a breath-taking piece really. Just a sliver of an emotion and yet it spreads into a startlingly heated curiosity. Lovely language and expertly woven, not too much detail and the length is perfect. I am a fan
I love the description of your heart as a startled rabbit
K~
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the first stanza really gave me imagery. to me, it was the perfect like scene. beautiful poem!
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I love the way you wrote this. the spacing and breaks are well placed.I love the flow. great write
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it's late and
you're cold
eyes downcast
perfect, impossible
dark lashes against
porcelain cheek
those lines were WONDERFUL.
I love how short the lines are and how much the lack of punctuation conveys.
I know how you feel.
thank you. -
This is fantastic. Porcelain works, don't change it. It creates the image you want it to. You deserve to win.
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great job on creating atmosphere my friend! heck...i could have been right there!
fantastic imagery with "porcelain cheek"
so many poems are focussed on too much...you've managed to capture the essence of a single moment...and i love it! -
beautiful. I think we all go through that. A point where we feel that it's so great that no one can understand or explain it. *wistful sigh here* well, either way, good job
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this is such a beautiful poem.
my favourite thing about it is that its basically capturing a single moment. a moment that would otherwise go unnoticed, unremembered...
but you bring to it such grave significance... i just really like this.
i think we all live for these... moments.
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I kinda like the use of porcelain, cuz it reminds me of the horseys on the carousel.
This part is fabulous:
"how could i possibly explain
that when i know it's real
the world shifts
perspective spins like
a carousel"
"heart beats,
a startled rabbit." aheh you kind of remind me of a startled rabbit. XD
I really love the way this is written. Somehow the wording and short lines really make me feel like I'm standing outside in the cold.
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