Where did the path cease to exist?
I have wandered into fog and brambles;
I do not know how to continue on.
Time is but an illusion in the skies.
I fear eternity will hold me close.
My mind is my unwanted companion.
Love, joyous love, is worthless.
It traps you in it's arms of discontent,
And whispers promises of a slow death.
How I wish these thoughts to leave,
But only know they are cancerous.
Rage and memories will tend to the fire.
Author notes
NarcissisticChimera
A contest entry
- a place between the cocoons and wrinkles. by bird-mad girl.
1750 points, ended November 19, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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"I have wandered into fog and brambles;"
-I really adore this line. It conveys a sense of being lost but it's painful becaue you stumble into things you can't see.
"Time is but an illusion in the skies."
-I really liked that line too. It was clever and ironic because you can see time through the changing sky.
I was hoping for a bit more imagery though. It was a fantastic piece, very despairing, but I think it could us a bit more texture.
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This is SAAAAAAAD!!!!! Your imagery was amazing and your wording fantastic. The emotion is so powerful.
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You'll comment back if I comment? Don't worry too much, just enter one of my contests, I have three active right now...(or enter three! And get Miss Panic! to enter too!)
As for the poem, line 3, the word on seems like it doesn't need to be there...
My mind is my unwanted companion.
Yes, the mind can produce needless 'stuff'! Sometimes I don't want my mind either. Love this line.
And Rage and memories can fuel any fire, it's true...I can wind myself up so easily using those two weapons.
Well said! -
The third stanza is a stand-out...
I really like what is put forth for the reader
to relate to within those lines. "But only know they are cancerous" seems worded a bit off
and does not do your ending justice.
A great response to the prompt given. Blue
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