Newlyweds
sitting at their folding
garage sale bought table
With names of
previous owners carved on
the sides of the extension gap
They grip the wishbone
fingers clamped
like eccentric bass players
They pull with playful force --
the sudden snap
slings the wife’s hands
into her face
A concerned husband passes
her a paper towel for the blood
as he inspects the injury
He discovers her nose is broken;
his eyes widen
as his wife bursts in laughter
Scratching his head
he asked of her sudden
humor of the situation
She replies
“I wished for time off at work”
Author notes
*POW Contest*
Topic: Over worked newlyweds
A contest entry
- - Poem of the Week - by Bear - by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended October 25, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Hello and welcome to POW.
ya know I thought this was a serious piece at first, then as soon as I read:
"They pull with playful force
and the unaware snap
slings the wife’s hands
into her face"
I seriously busted up laughing
It was just so unexpected, just like I'm sure it was in real life 
I agree with Neonrose, "unaware" in stanza 4 is not the correct word and it caused me some confusion.
Also, great ending to this. Gave me a chuckle
onto the board:
Title - 8.5.. like bear said, generic.
Flow - 9.0.. nothing really wrong with it, flowed fine. not really poetic though.
Depth - 8.4.. was okay.
Theme - 9.9.. loved the story and conclusion, very original and fun
Feelings - 8.5.. not much.
Grammar - 9.2.. everything was easy to understand except for that one area.
Presentation - 9.6.. good choices, kept it flowing nice and at a good pace, and easy to read.
Uncommonness - 9.9.. awesome job.
Sit & Ponder Affect - 8.8.. didn't have anything to ponder about.. but it was funny!
Ability to follow Rules - 10
Total: 91.8
-
Hi, and welcome to the POW for 10/24/08
I really enjoyed this write. It told a story, which is something I always appreciate. I didn't have to wrack my brain seeking obscure meanings. As Bear stated, it was a bit lacking in 'poetic' content, leaning towards prose, but still an interesting read.
I like the bit of humor at the end, leaving the reader with a smile on their face.
Your use of capitalization and lack of punctuation threw the flow off for me, but by 'sight editing' I overcame that.
I'm not sure if "unaware" is the right word to use in line 11. Perhaps 'sudden' or 'unexpected'.
Great read over all...one of my favorites in this series.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.
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Hello
Thank you for supporting the POW this week....I like your talent and insight......however, I am looking for more of a Poetic Voice/Tone from your quill, and I believe you have it, but you are just not familiar with what I look for in the PO' Contests......yet ~
I enjoyed this write, but rules state Poetic Tone.....and this leans toward the Prose' side of sound and voice ~
Not bad....you definately kept me reading
The next time you join me, do not hold back that talented quill....I want to see what else you have hidden away
God bless you,
Bear ~
Title 7.85....a tad generic....top this with a nice Met!
-Flow 8.8....nice job...but not really poetic -
Depth 7.5....lots of depth....just not enough of sustance -
Theme 9.5...Nicely chosen ....just pen it in poetic tone -
Feelings 7.5....lacking in this area -
Grammar 9.65....simple, yet affective -
Presentation 9.5....lots of Triolets....broken up with a couplet and quatrain....nice
-Uncommonness 10....most unique -
Sit & Ponder Affect 6.9...I did not ponder -
Ability to follow Rules 10...I think you are the first to follow every rule in this POW....thank you! -
Bears Score: 87.2
Not bad.....break out that creativity quill for me next week for the POM
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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no worries, was still fun to write and i look forward for your next contest.
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thnk u so much for reading. it was fun to write
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lolol....this is sweet, wonderful imagery, story and moment within this poem
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