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Paradise

Suffocating,
Drowning in darkness.
Falling down, down, down.

Eyes search wildly,
Blinded by shadows,
Can’t find the light.

Strong claws bind,
Chains of steel,
No escape.

Hot, cold,
Can’t decide,
Too much pain.

Searching, seeking,
Can’t find it,
That important thing.

Losing sanity.
What was it?
Where is it?

Screaming, crying,
Cycle never ends.
Screams go unheard.

Dirty, faithless,
No one saves me,
Depression comes.

Lost, frightened,
Demons terrorize,
Afraid to keep on breathing.

Legs give out,
Collapsing to the ground,
No hope anymore.

Grasping, dragging,
Somewhere, anywhere,
Away from here.

Tears stream,
Sobs echo,
It’s vacant all around.

A voice,
Distant,
It sounds warm and kind.

It beacons,
Draws,
Moving closer.

A light
Up ahead,
Does it lead away from here?

Warmth,
A friend,
Just a few more steps.

A spring,
Cool water,
Toes dip gently in.

Cracked lips smile,
Screaming no more,
Calm, sweet silence.

Empty no longer,
That thing is here,
Paradise.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • AboveApathy
    December 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i really liked how the choppiness of the lines moved the piece forward, however some lines may have been too choppy. I guess what I'm trying to say is try and find a balance between pulse or rhythm and stuttering choppiness. you know?
    but i really love what you have here!
    -wesley


  • justgot2loveme
    December 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Screaming, crying, cycle never ends.
    Screams go unheard. This is a very deep and touching piece.
    Thanks for sharing and good luck.

    Justgot2loveme


  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very nice poem here may i add i really like the creativity in this poem it was smoking i think you did a very great job good luck to you in the contest

  • Vera Rich
    November 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my "Celebrating poetry and poets" competition. Your entry is VERY difficult to read (I did ask in the rules for good contrast) But from what I can make out. I think you must have misunderstood the subject of this competition. For I do not see any reference in your entry to poets and/or poetry. (Maybe you intended "paradise"" to be a metaphor for poetic creativity - however, if this is the case, I have to say that this is by no means clear. )I wish you success with it elsewhere - but on this occasion, I think I must say "no".


    • colie50
      November 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Ah! That was definitely a misunderstanding on my part. I'm sorry for any trouble I may have caused =/


  • Paloszoo gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely penned. Enjoyed this read immensely! Thanks for entering my contest. I'm honored to have you share your work here. Good luck!


  • Heavens Child
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the short lines, it adds to the impact of your words. This says to that when things are at there worst is when one has to keep reaching because paradise is almost there. Best wishes and thank you for entering.


  • Hannie
    October 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome poem. A great write !!

    Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • fluffatron69
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not a fan of dark poetry, but the poem you have written is really uplifting, even if only briefly at the end, and it's nice that you were able to finish off the poem with salvation and hope! Overall, a great poem, I think!


  • Blind Sight
    October 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. That was truly amazing. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... that was absolutly fantastic. The ending... All through the poem I felt sad, depressed, lost which is how I've always felt then... I love it. Wonderfully writen, emotional, overall fantastic. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • wolfwatcher
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nichole! it was really good. The whole time I read it, my chest felt like it had a 20 pound weight on it. I hope so much that the end is true, that you do feel things getting better!!!


    • colie50
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Wow, you're fast 0_0
      I'm okay, I promise =D

1 - 13 of 13