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home, sweet home

Home is where you hang your head,
and cry your tears at night.
Home is where you hug your bed
through your parents booze-fueled fights.

Home is where Dad keeps a belt,
just for when you cross a line.
Home is where you pick up welts,
and learn to tell the world you're fine.

Home is where new mommy enter-number here
cuts her powder with your blade.
Home is where you learn to fear
the new friends the family's made.

Home is where little sister grins
as she cuts patterns in her wrist.
Home is where her blood runs thin
from the pills she's not allowed to miss.

Home is where big brother
learned to beat his girls.
Home is where their perfect mother
is never seen without her pearls.

Home is where hammered family friends
come demanding touches in the dark.
Home is where you first contend
with what happens to a narc.

Home is where you're taught
that blood runs thicker than water.
Home is where you learn not to get caught
escaping from your father.

Home is where your family tree
is worth little more than firewood.
Home is where everything has a fee,
and you'll pay more than you ever should.

Home is where you finally take control
of both the belt and your own life.
Wrap it 'tight round neck and rafters girl,
then let loose and fly!

Author notes

This piece is rough, I don't like the flow in alot of places. Any ideas would be very much appreciated.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • pelo801
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the second to the last and the last stanza are the only areas i see a problem with flow. but as far as i'm concerned flow is irrelevant when emotion portrayed like this


  • aikoflavored
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the flow isn't always perfect, but it is a well written poem none the less.
    sad, but i liked it.

    keep up the good work
    -aiko


  • kermie4201
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have to say, even with the flow being jumbled here and there, this is just mind-blowing. purely amazing. It saddens me though, especially the ending. It's so full of despair and of what a home shouldn't be. But again, amazing write, and I really love the repeated phrase that you use in it. The emotions just soar in this, and you really help to capture the reader with the feelings that are written in this. Again just superb and I really wouldn't change too much in this.