Bound by the seams
to a buried life
that is stuffed with incentives
and heaped with speculation.
Like they do in France
with those poor force-fed geese;
all done for a liver.
All they want is my life.
That is it.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
As defunct as it may be
they still consider it
theirs
for the taking.
Scolded to stay
branded to leave.
I feel like eating
indifferent enthusiasm
for breakfast.
Maybe I can choke that down...
then throw up:
"Should I stay
or should I go now?"
Author notes
Option 1: "Funny how long a moment can seem when you're trying to hold on."
-Aqualung
DON'T USE IT IN CONTEXT OF LOVE!!!
Interesting enough.
A contest entry
- MOCKERY! by FallingSideways.
1050 points, ended December 8, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Why don't you ask me a question?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Quite a telling write ...
and hopefully not at all indicative of where you really are on life's canvas. Still, I see the contest was "Mockery", so hopefully this is meant in a mostly cynical vein.
Anyway, good job, all in all.
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Should I Stay or Should I Go by The Clash:
Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
An' if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know...
It sort of fits your poem I think.
I'm not sure how folk get their hooks into us but I'm sure sometimes it's our own fault for not being stronger, not that it is always that reason, I'm fairly sure.
Stuck In Motion? Stuck in a rut seems more like it.
That first stanza sets a vivid image: bloated, stifled, strangulation...nothing optimistic can come after those first four lines, and sure enough the poem ends where it begins...stuck in that rut.
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Choices choices choices, If you stay aren't you the goose liver? I suppose there are worse things. You first stanza is terrific, "stuffed with incentives", (not a bad thing), "and heaped with speculation" could be a bad thing. If its not where you want to be, the speculation means little. I like the tension you create with, "Indifferent enthusiasm". Those terms are mutually exclusive, I think, but I get the emotional confusion you intend. I like this. Geo
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Are you calling me fat? j/k
I think I recognize your style cause of the ambiguity and the fact that you don’t mince words. Ambiguity can be both your strength and your weakness, although I do like to think.
This has me pondering the “all” that wants your life and consider it theirs.
I picture the ambiguous “all” to be that of society, conformity and a dash of responsibility- that of which we may be bound to. "Trying to hold on" to what we deem right and feeling as though we are in a no-win situation; hence the desire to eat “indifferent enthusiasm”.
The only suggestion I can make is changing the last line in quotations; it has me thinking of the song by Clash, but then maybe that was your intention.
Line of gold:
Scolded to stay
branded to leave.
I feel like eating
indifferent enthusiasm
for breakfast.
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I am as guilty as charged- the song was indeed my intention. I kept thinking about this last night while I couldn't sleep but didn't want to get out of bed just incase I DID fall asleep. lol
And those are my favorite lines.
Yink
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Lol,basically your style is distinguishable in the fact that it’s detached but not. Your style makes it hard to peg what is actually behind the words and going on with the author. You separate “you” from your words and that’s why some people have a hard time following your poems…because they want to be able to feel the author and not think for themselves. That’s why I say it’s both your weakness and strength because it all just depends on the perception and mood of the reader… while most other writers rely on empathy.
Maybe you should practice not be so ambiguous
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But then I would want to have empathy and I don't. lol And it's kind of funny if you think about it because I'm a very blunt person...hmmm...
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