We were so much older
when the winds of change
blew past our door.
Our second childhood
had not arrived
in the decadence
of our last days.
Languishing in the meadows
of resurrected indecision,
when the thought of
starting over
was an old leaf
that has not yet
been turned.
That damn road
just has to change,
up and down
on and off
round and round
to get to the exit
just before
the straight and narrow.
The sound of gravel and rock
still stone me,
as I take the U turn
to the L train
to share a J with you.
We were sinful
and good natured,
walking away from our
broken down dreams
that we left jacked up
by the side of the road.
We blew our chance
to turn it around,
we were facing
the wrong way.
We never had a shot,
our sights were bent
by the wayward thoughts
of the so called respected.
They derailed our celebration!
Blindfolding and spinning us
with thumbtacks in our tails,
and our tails in our hand,
to see if we could find the donkey
that's known as a jackass,
that they pinned to the floor.
We're taking over!
They will remember us.
Author notes
Volunteers of America!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SboRijhWFDU
In a list
A contest entry
- Obscure lyrics prompt by apoeticinjustice.
850 points, ended October 10, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - On the Turning Away by PhoenixFiress.
1050 points, ended October 14, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 70 of 70
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Creativity crushed by the rules of society "norm's" and expectations, invention (ergo; progress) demands that we step out of the box and flip the rules off, doesn't it? This pen expresses that concept very well, and I second that notion. Individuality and the confidence to pursue it.
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Wicked play on words throughout. Double meanings, triple meanings, hidden meanings there only for those in the know and the rest of the kids will be lost in the snow as the smoke does blow above and below. Yo! Jimmy from across the pond.
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Absolutely well done. As I read this poem, I kept saying, this is my favorite verse. That is, until I got half way through. Then I said, the whole thing is damn good. Perfect imagery. Great metaphor. The prize for this could only have been the gold cup.
Mike
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Now this is poetry! I love the jacked up on the side of the road line....hell, I love it all. Well done.
Rory -
It hides the user info from me, but I am certain I would know who this is even without the unchanging background, the poem has the same genuine, intense and beautiful feel to it as all your others.
I was hoping for freshwites, and I wasn't expecting prewrites to really tie in to the song, however, reading this poem I can see a connection, though it is still apparent it wasn't written with the lyrics in mind obviously.
Some fantatsic stanzas in this:
"We were sinful
and good natured,
walking away from our
broken down dreams
that we left jacked up
by the side of the road."
That is my favourite one.
One slight thing, when you say:
"We never had a shot,
our sites were bent"
Do you mean sights and not sites?
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Great write! Some truly wonderful lines in this. Thanks for entering =]
-K -
kick a$$ seriously. reminded me of summer, when you're just old enough to know better and young enough you don't care. almost every line was intriguing, and powerful.
awesome write.
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Left me breathless
You knocked me on my back with this one. Fabulously written. each stanza was amazing. I have no complaints. CHANGE NOTHING. it was a perfect poem.
"as I take the U turn
to the L train
to share a J with you."
What a knockout. I loved this poem.
You amaze me.
-
Wow intence exspecialy the end
They will remember us
Great job -
history repeats itself only once
-
We were sinful
and good natured,
walking away from our
broken down dreams
that we left jacked up
by the side of the road.
We blew our chance
to turn it around,
we were facing
the wrong way.
Now I will have to list this, as it's just crushed me.
I feel this poem lift me up from where I was and set me right again.
I love you for writing this, Liam. More than I ever did.
I've always felt a kindred spirit in you, not in the sense that you could BE my father, but that you might have known him, called him your friend, smoked a J, cracked a Bud-had a few chucks together.
I have never been wrong about you.
Love to you always,
Jin
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Beutiful
Life exactally in teenage years,this is an amazing write and I know it's over said sofar, but my favortite stanzas defenately are:
The sound of gravel and rock
still stone me,
as I take the U turn
to the L train
to share a J with you.
We were sinful
and good natured,
walking away from our
broken down dreams
that we left jacked up
by the side of the road.
I love it. Good job!
(btw, Manson is god)
-- EMOverlord
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impressive
It's a great write, well done, and well chosen back drop to the poem. Well done!
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Hehe! A good strong voice in this. I read a lot of dissention(sp) and retaliation in your words. Definately a strong solid piece. Loved the metaphors and the imagery. Great write!
The sound of gravel and rock
still stone me,
as I take the U turn
to the L train
to share a J with you.
We were sinful
and good natured,
walking away from our
broken down dreams
that we left jacked up
by the side of the road.
Fantastic stanzas! -
A kalidescope...
of metaphors and chaos........
-
very nice
We were sinful
and good natured,
walking away from our
broken down dreams
that we left jacked up
by the side of the road.
What a wonderful phrase... and that's exactly the way it feels sometimes....
The poem does work as "a look back" at a youth that has all this energy... but no real direction... earthy and contemporary... really smacks of the a 50s or 60s childhood. Great job.
-
once again hon you diliver incredible passion. your words aways the best. what more can i say, your always the best!
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after reading your poem, the title made this even better..
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Never toss the spirit out with the tradition. Happened far to often in the sixties and seventies and we are still searching through the trash to find what we lost.
You speak well of the heart and its desire to be revealed. You show well the folly of naysayer who never believe change can be for the good. We who would make a difference do well to touch gently while never giving up.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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I liked it.
I can feel the emotion and I love the way it flows. Only one thing, in the second to last line did you mean "we're" instead of were?
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i love the spirit of this!!! my favorite lines were the first four of the last stanza...very cleverly said! we have truly inherited the wounds and deception of those who came before us but indeed we're taking control and will be remembered!!
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Very Nice!
Indeed nice and avery well written piece, my brother. Amivelance and ambiguity is so much a par of youthful indiscetion. Well thought out, well written, and well done.
-
Exquiste, rich, lovely write
just beautiful, beautiful. -
WOW!!!!!!!!!
Awesome penning you have done here my poetic friend! I adore the title and eberything that went with it. Your imagery is brilliant, and I like your style!
POETDONTKNOWIT
WRITING IT HER OWN WAY
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This is probably one of the favorites that I've read on here. The imagery is great. The only thing that threw me off was the "broken down dreams that we left jacked up" I personally don't think thats the right word to go in there. But otherwise. Its great!
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Loved the imagery, and this really is thought provoking. It was able to keep me glued to the page. Amazing.
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.... imagine what im saying
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I love what you do with imagery I just love that 6th stanza (we were sinful....)
This is great!!!
Khia
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"The sound of gravel and rock
still stone me,
as I take the U turn
to the L train
to share a J with you"
I really liked this stanza, great piece.
Thanks for your entry and good luck! -
your a very very gifted poet..
as if you havent noticed..
i like this poem.
alot.
but i think what made me smile is the fact that your looking back at your teen years,
as im living mine.
it made me think of what im going to think in years to come.
i love the addmitance of sin, but saying you were good natured. not many people would look at it that way. bravo..
keep writing
-
Famillar thoughts...
It's amazing you know, how with different words meaning take similar shape.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
to see if we could find the donkey
that's known as a jackass,
that they pinned to the floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brilliant man, bloody brilliant. -
Jim Morrison and Eric Burdon sang the songs and you have written a poem that goes well with their sentiments we need some changes in a BIG way our morality has lost its reason and caring is only for money and power not hearts ..a once proud country is falling down ,,lets hope change comes soon ..good write poet
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we are taking over they will remember us
Very strong finnish. I like it much. I was a seventies youth. I believe I attended a large concert(woodstock) in the whom though. the revolution still lives.
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Ok, the American Woman lyrics in the Shameless box got me to click. You know, we werent quite old enough for Woodstock and we got stuck with that darn disco. The thing is, we knew the truth and sometimes we lived it.
I think some of us live it more today. This was a good write that had me remenicscing some but I love the ending. They will remember us because in the full scope, we made a difference. Well, once we got the nail out of the floor anyway
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Inspiring
I won't spoil your writing by analysing it too much but it seems like you have(like me) great memories of growing up as a teenager, maybe I should write something similar about my teenage years. Obviously it will be totally different to yours but I hope that you will read it sometime in the near future. Jimmy.
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lines 43-48 are my favorite. i got a chuckle out of them. it was also a great image. in line 41 im not sure respected fits...maybe you just want the word respect there instead... i could be wrong... its early here so i may have just read the whole poem wrong... lol
well good write. i just hope one day my poems are just as full of talent
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BRAVO!
Immensley stirring! Damnit, man, you are one talented 'American Kid'!
Horray for YOU!
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BRILLANT!!
i loved every part of this poem.the way it was written and the way each person who reads it gets their own meaning from it whether it was the one you intended or not.its thought provoking to say the least. my favorite stanza is"the sound of gravel and rock still stone me,as i take the U turn to the L train to share a J with you." brings me back to aplace i left years ago. this poem is too good. thanks for the trip down memory lane.
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Strange...
It seems that your fans speak just as you do. Perhaps just a bit creepy. But the poem was quite good, if not slightly etherial.
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There is more within the manic phase of shifting sands, as the light is eminating from the gritty street views of the american dream. This could be the beginings of a free-verse novel my friend.
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Beautifully structured and written!
I think that it's never too late to make a turn and take a different path in life... That decision is really up to the person. Maybe, life has hit him/her pretty hard... and at the end of the road he/she is just too weary to keep on...
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It's interesting, what I thought about when I read this might have been different than what you did, but I really liked it! Thanks for the trip!
faith
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Yikes! This is purely amazing! Your wording is brillant, mind capturing and never bores me! Great job!
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wow, the trails this took me down...old trails of my past and fresh trails ahead of me, just waiting for my decisions on which way to turn. A very interesting piece, with exceptional phrasing. I really enjoyed this piece!
Rory
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Love.
Just. Love.
I'm sorry, I'll have to come back and check this out again later. I'll have to check out all your work! Im speechless now, though...
always,
V
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beautiful piece. i really like it. it was beautifully written . such powerful words ....
you have such talent, thank you so much for sharing your work..
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Wow...
That was one of the best poems I have ever read by somebody.
I LOVE the play on letters you did.... that was so creative. I have never seen that done before.
It's so brutally honest and powerful.
"our broken down dreams that we left jacked up by the side of the road."-- what a marvelous line.
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Interesting
Not what I expected - I thought it was going to be a diatribe on instant gratification of American society. So, is this a political poem or merely social from a perspective I lack? Good form, though!
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hI THER THIS IS A VERY CLEVERLY CRAFTED PIECE, AND VERY MEANINGFUL TO ME AS I SIT HERE AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF FORTY WONDERING IF ITS TO LATE TO DO A U TURN AND TRY SOMETHING NEW. I THINK YOU SORT OF SCULPTED THIS PIECE, MOULDED IT FROM RAW CLAT. IT SORT OF HAS TIERS TO IT IT GATHERS PACE LIKE A RUNAWAY TRAIN AND GREAT IMAGRY I LIKE IT VERY MUCH NICE WRITE AGAIN YOU POET LAURIET
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Fantastic
Wonderful. Such a delight to read, and pleasing to the mind as the words unfold. I love the way you've built up such a picture, that gets bigger and grander with every stanza - that in itself is very commendable.
I also like the metaphors you've used, such as
"walking away from our
broken down dreams
that we left jacked up
by the side of the road." it really portrays a picture of hopes and dreams, (possibly even fears?) that have been dissected and crushed until there is nothing left but to walk away from them, and maybe move onto something else (I wasn't sure if that was your intention, but to me it illustrated a small glimmer of hope in the most turbulent times).
So many important themes in this piece. Revolution, fighting for peace, cause and effect... the American dream?
My favourite stanza has to be:
"The sound of gravel and rock
still stone me,
as I take the U turn
to the L train
to share a J with you." it sounds beautifully sentimental, and I just love that word (or letter!) play.
Well done Lowell, brilliant as always
Jess
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You are very passionate about this.
you did a great job on this.It is well thought out and eay to understand.I like your title it kind of catches your attention and gets you to read it.Not sure what i would revise in this as you do not clearly state what type of revolution you are starting.I got that you were feeling alot of anger on this.However what you did say was easy to picture. -
Great work again here Lowell! Nice way with the imagery in this poem. You did yourself proud!!
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i really enjoyed this and read it a few times.
my mind and life are at a standstill right now. i can see no direction save for where i've been. i don't know where to go so i am waiting. i'm 52 and have gone through huge changes and my road has been blocked with many obstacles in the past five years. it's changed my thinking somewhat i feel like a work in progress sometimes
i mention all this because of the way i've interpreted your poem. to me it says all the above and more. funny how something you write can be taken different ways by each reader
bottom line is i really enjoyed this well-written piece
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One of my favorites songs says, "Make a move, cuz talk is really cheep! You'll never start a revolution in your sleep" Made me think of that song! Well written, your poems are deep and have strong meanings. I enjoyed reading it!
ing alone,
Mylee -
Love it! The beat and flow are strong and deep.
"We were sinful
and good natured,
walking away from our
broken down dreams
that we left jacked up
by the side of the road."
VERY nice!!!
"Blindfolding and spinning us
with thumbtacks in our tails,
and our tails in our hand,"
Genuis, pure genius!!!
Hallelujah, love, this is a keeper!!!
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to give so much of once self that the road is lost before you, so as the pain and not understanding the whys wash over you face the lies, where no truths can be found...out standing my brother
out standing and if i wore a hat i would take it off for you
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Great poem! The changes we've seen and the things we wanted to accomplish which all seemed within easy grasp. It's been a long and bumpy ride, I'd do it all over again!
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Revolution or Revelation or all of it...
You've put a lot of things here together bro, in your own unique and succint way, the road,and all that...the dreams and ideals...the not fitting in...and let me say; most importantly, the taking over, I understand what you're saying here, hey, Liam, we did it all for love, and love will conquer all in the end, never give up expressing that vibe, that message, keep on spreading a little love and sunshine everywhere ya go...we might still be in the minority, but it's growing brother, it's getting stronger all the time...yes, for sure, they will remember us...Kerouac, Vincent, the poet and the painter, far behind his rightfull time...
Bravo! my brother!
The reason that i didn't read this poem earlier is that I've spent the last two weeks writing "Wrong Turn"
it's not finished yet, but the parallels are uncanny, almost scary...I know we've talked about this before...but it just reinforces my belief in a cosmic connection, a universal pool of thought, there's nothing new under the sun, but we just gotta keep seeking it out, a personal individual tweak here and there, and then put it back in again,lol I wish the lotto worked like that, maybe it does lol sorry, couldn't help that
Well, here's my thoughts for the day, keep that flag flying
John
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amazing. poetry honestly doesn't get better than this. it was powerful, and thought provoking. i enjoyed this piece very much.
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wonderful poetry at its best compleatly faultless
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Unforgettable
They will remember us. We will cause the unforgettable fate that awaits them...the big They. Poe, dearest, this is an absolute masterpiece. You had be totally enthralled. May I say, probably my most favorite from you yet. A true pleasure. Were taking over whether or not they receive us because we receive ourselves while they are mere refections of denial.
Unforgettable,
&
Jen
-
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Someone took over, but I'm not so sure it was us!
-
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A true pleasure to read, an adventure just as your life seems to be. I really enjoyed this Liam, glad to absorb yet another bit of your brilliance!
-
Like your wordplay and imagery of roads & trains travelling to hi-jacking and jackass. Not sure about the 'share a J' :-) might miss something there, being a European grown up in Amsterdam, the Netherlands.
I read this personally, a childhood of deprivation, underpriviledged youth of disappoitments, chances blown, were they ever real? The turn, however comes suddenly - in the last few lines, as an echo, they sound to me, that could be, just might be, the beginnen of change ...
loving greets -
This society that we call "america" has proceeded from barbarism to decay whilst missing that period known as enlightenement. Paraphrasing something I read somewhere.
"Our second childhood
had not arrived
in the decadence
of our last days"
To realize that through it all, we weren't really getting aywhere anyway.
They may remember, but what, and for how long?
A thought provoking write.
-
Hell yes...
Your sway between opposites is awesome brother...Especially..
"We were sinful
and good natured,
walking away from our
broken down dreams
that we left jacked up
by the side of the road."
I LOVED THAT...
"The sound of gravel and rock
still stone me,
as I take the U turn
to the L train
to share a J with you."
Made me smile and chuckle...I've been there a few times. =)
Now the beginning...
The lady below me, is on the right track I believe, but here's how I see it.
The speaker did things wrong for so long...He deserved another shot at innocence, but it was so damn hard...Maybe, just out of reach...Might as well turn back then, ya know?...Embrace not the failure, but your acceptance of a resigned determination...That's all we have, you know?
Yes, you do.
I'd like to talk to you about the last stanza, before "I'm taking over!" too...I have a few suggestions for you my brother...And that is all they are!
TEN THUMBS UP BROTHER..
BOOKMARKED!
BLESSINGS ALWAYS,
BRANDON
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remember
First off this brings me back to the days of my youth in Brooklyn. Such memories. But with us it was the #2 or the D train and yes the donkey. Seemed always I was a jackass. Great write poet.
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I loved this a lot! It was very exciting and it spoke to me deeply. Your author notes made me smile; I think I've had a handful to share in a 'revelution', haha. Little protester me...
The imagery is very pure. This was an absoulute adventure to read.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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Ummmm......ok....In the first few stanzas I thought I was keepin' up, but then somewhere along the line there was a disconnect and my comprehension failed. Your style is interesting, contemporary to the core, but interesting, and the tone obviously has passion. Peace, Dannie
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