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Forbidden Memories,,

I lay in bed, and i shouldn't have thought,
But i did.

That alley-way, now so far flung,
Once held treasures, our hands once swung,
Giggles of a time i knew,
Yet when present, no time would do,
Six o'clock, it was looming dark,
We stood there, about to embark,
Each heart pounded, trees above,
Whilst he whispered, 'It's you I love.'

I cried in bed, and i shouldn't have cared,
But i do.

Author notes

The phrase which gave me inspiration was;
Memories floating on frozen tears
(:

A contest entry

What diid yu thinkk?

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Shakes-spear
    November 12, 2008

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    Very nice

    This work makes me think of someone experencing their first time or that of a loved one being betrayed. I liked the way you wrote it and for me it had lots of emotions! The Shhaker


  • Nangaleema
    October 26, 2008

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    this is an emotion packed sentiment. very honest. i like the form that you are working with - how the beginning and the end deviate from the middle. it is like you wrapped the middle part of the poem which is the concrete information of your memory (like the setting - with trees above; the time - 6:00; and physical info - like hand holding, heart pounding etc) with the ethereal, intangible gossamer stuff of thoughts and feelings at the beginning and end of the poem. which is nice.
    the wording - where the rhyme is - feels just a little contrived. but it's so hard to achieve a natural flow in rhyming poetry where the outcome feels like natural speech. i think you have written a lovely poem. - NANGALEEMA


  • Tercil gold member
    October 25, 2008
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    well, as long as its true and not a dream, you shoul;dnt be crying, should yopu, nice thoughts,


  • Beauty Of Silence
    October 24, 2008
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    wow.

    i love this whole poem. You began and ended this poem in such a calm way. and your mid stanza was filled with suck amazing imagery and your wordings were suitable. i liked the flow and rhyme. great job, short, yet very deep and emotional. intense. keep penning! and thanks so much for entering my contest. best wishes


  • Galaxy2
    October 23, 2008

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    'I cried in bed, andI shouldn't have cared
    But I do.'
    ...Intense!
    genuine feelings...
    Kisses all over, honey!
    Galaxy2

1 - 5 of 5