Her elbows met her knees
at the same time every evening.
They’d converse with her doubts,
and hold on to each tense syllable
that sashayed off flushed skin.
In those few moments,
anything spilt stayed contained
between her limbs and her breast.
Right then, she could share
the clandestine whispers,
that she’d kept tight beneath
her shivering skin,
and she didn’t have to smile
for anyone.
Author notes
♥♥♥
In a list
A contest entry
- Picture/Word Prompt- Your Choice, My Pick by Mrs. Moretti.
911 points, ended October 31, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Beautiful. The imagery in this is lovely. I like how you take a single moment of life and layer it with so much meaning.
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Skin, which you focus on in this poem a great deal, has an interesting symbolic significance. A giant tactile receptor, skin is a major way of taking the world in -- yet, it also protects us and we are compromised when the skin is broken. Furthermore, it is a communication device -- skin on skin sends strong messages.
Your poem is about keeping things in and letting things out -- skin being that semipermeable membrane that allows that give and take. Expressed in private, these feelings serve to further isolate the subject of the poem -- a cycle of taking things in, letting them out, and taking them in again. Heartbreaking in its own little way. Yet, there is that last line that balances the rest -- no need for false fronts when you are alone with your feelings.
Wonderfully written. So many layers here -- and obviously thought provoking.
Garrison
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This is wonderful. You are indeed a wordsmith.
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"that she'd kept tight beneath her shivering skin, and she didn't have to smile for anyone"
Wow, I love the las little stanza and the previous part of that sentence. This is a really good take on the picture, but somehow not as creative as I would have liked.
Umm, I found it odd that you used "Clandestine" in the title, because another contestant was already using that one.
Other than that, I really enjoyed this write, it was well written, and most anyone can relate. Good job! -
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Haha, really? I had no idea that word was already in play.
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