You don’t deserve the tears that fall,
You don’t deserve them not at all,
You don’t deserve the tears I shed,
Because of the memories you left inside my head.
You don’t deserve the sorrow I hide,
You don’t deserve to know I cried,
You don’t deserve to see that I still care,
Because I needed you and you weren’t there.
You don’t deserve all my shame,
You don’t deserve to speak to me again,
You don’t deserve to have my heart,
Because you knew you would break it right from the start.
You don’t deserve all this hurt,
You don’t deserve the blood on my shirt,
You don’t deserve the remorse I feel,
Because you ignored that our love was real.
You don’t deserve to sit there and sulk,
You don’t deserve to cry and hurt and hulk,
You don’t deserve to be sad,
Because you made your life turn out so bad.
You don’t deserve the pain inside,
You don’t deserve how hard I try,
You don’t deserve to see me weep,
Because of how you hurt me so deep.
You don’t deserve the love I still have,
You don’t deserve to see me mad,
You don’t deserve to hear me cry,
But I still cry for you because I’ll always love you.
By Errin Hellingrath
A contest entry
- food for thought- ♥- cutters, noncutters, and ex-cutters by Immortal Obscurity.
875 points, ended November 10, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Kathraina.
650 points, ended August 15, 456 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Hey give me some feedback guys?
Comments
-
Wow, such strong emotion and vivid imagery here!
Fantastic job with this write, the rhyme and flow is flawless.
Bravo
♥ Kate -
Love the expression- hope you don't mind a suggestion- pull out the scalpel and trim any unnecessary words out to help the rythym, if it was your intention to have it flow. For all I know, you wanted it kinda choppy for effect -
-
i guess you never said to specify which catagory, wether it makes a difference or not is up to you. i think poetry is not nessecarily how shall i say... a dead given, alot of poets now leave the interpretation of the reader what they take from it contextually is up to them, you may read the same poem as someone else but gain a completely different perspective. maybe it comes across as ambivilent because i intend to keep myself a mystery... i appreciate your comment. but this is me, raw and unchanged i dont like to edit it seems...artificial i guess. i have enough trouble keeping myself a guise i like to let my poetry fun wild.
-
Hmmm... I'm not a fan of rhyme, though yours didn't sound cheesy and forced, like most rhyme nowadays does. My only qualm was the misuse of the word "hulk" in stanza 5; it just didn't fit.
I was also confused as to which perspective (cutter or non-cutter) that this was from. To me, it seemed rather ambivalent; not necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes, it leaves too much open to interpretation.
Thanks for entering, and good luck to you.
Best wishes,
Laura
Adding your comment:
