Bernice's Big Day

Why must I of all birds have this problem?
I’ve tried fiber, prunes and greasy French fries
But nothing works!
So I read this stupid book, as if me, Bernice
Can’t crap on a human…
It’s not that I don’t want to do it, I can’t do it!!
I push, I bear down, I grit my beak
But I just can’t get one drop out!
Why today of all days?
On such an important day as this
And so far I have nothing!
Not one measly drop of poop.
Ok, bum, it’s just you and me…
I must poop, I will poop, I have to poop!
Oh, what am I to do, I can’t disappoint
What’s this? Some beans, chilli and cheese?
It’s worth a try, certainly can’t hurt
I feel something, is that a gurgle?
Some gas perhaps?
Oh, Lordy, I feel something coming
Aim for him?  Sure, don’t mind if I do
Just let me get into position
PLOP
Bulls-eye!! 
Take that Mr. Exterminator!
One small poop for me,
One giant revenge poop for all pigeon kind!