We lie next to each other,
Our bare bodies awaiting the other to come,
You look at me, then you slowly,
So slowly run your eyes over my body;
Over my breasts with their dark erect nipple-mountains,
Then down my belly, my waist, my thighs,
And finally my legs, then you go up again…
I watch you watching me,
Visually exploring me,
Then your hand begins to play with me,
Teasing me, and turning me on.
‘Such naughty hands! Such a handsome face!’
You bend over and kiss me,
Then you gently pull me under you
And we start to make love.
I feel the passion in you,
In your love and caresses,
I see it in your eyes,
I bathe in it, as our bodies touch and collide.
‘Oh the ecstasy! Oh the love,
Such passion! Such beauty!’
You bite my neck and leave your mark,
Then your tongue ventures onto my chest,
Going down, down…
I moan.
‘You’re absolutely irresistable!’
I feel your hair, then run my nails down your back,
Down to your ass…
‘My lips can no longer bear it, I have to kiss you!’
And so I do,
Our lips touch and our tongues interlock,
Moans from both of us get louder,
Hands run wildly on each other’s back.
And finally, we orgasm,
Orgasm rivers of passion.
Then we smile and kiss again,
Pulling the bed covers over us,
For more love-making…
Author notes
what is written between '...' are the speaker's thoughts.. there is no speech in this poem..
I know it is a love poem.. but this was all i can come up with, considering.. (how sleepy i am.. and my museless state)
This is the poem that I used for inspiration:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4687305
it is called "Watching Me" by DeathlySins
A contest entry
- Poems That Begin With The Letter 'L'. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended December 15, 2008, 112 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Contest by tears.of.silence.
1000 points, ended April 18, 407 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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So good, I can imagine all of it. Wonderfully written, and awesome job. Keep up the good work. I had no least favorite parts, I loved it all.
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oh wow
that is amazing i can imagine the whole thing...such passion and beauty...i love it...its so descriptive part of me wished it was longer...great job
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wow this was great. Very passionate. You've got a 6 for this poem giving you a 90. You've made the finalist list. thanks for entering the contest and best of luck to you.kahy
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There's a lot of passion in this. Good write
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This was very sexy, passionate, amazing. Though there is one part that confuses me - 'then you gently pull me under me'
I don't quite get that.
Unless I am just dumb and missing some kind of point,
but the rest was great.
Great imagery, and powerful emotions-
well done. -
This is hot:
“You bend over and kiss me,
Then you gently pull me under me
And we start to make love.
I feel the passion in you,
In your love and caresses,
I see it in your eyes,
I bathe in it, as our bodies touch and collide.”
And this too: “I watch you watching me,
Visually exploring me,”
Love is erotic! Great poem.
-medi
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Very nice piece of work. It's very sensual and steamy and leaves the reader wanting more, in a good way. *grins*
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Wow. I love thatkind of love making. You do it so beautifully. You make the area between my thighs throb while I read your poem. You have great sensual power, love!
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REALLY HOT!!
VERY PASSIONATE ,AND INTENSE...I LOVED EVERY WORD ,ENJOYED EVERY SCENE.....
BEAUTIFUL WRITE KEEP IT UP !
"
I feel your hair, then run my nails down your back,
Down to your ass…
‘My lips can no longer bear it, I have to kiss you!’"
THIS STANZA STOOD OUT FOR ME ! -
i so loved your poem and could feeel the passion in every word ,, hope to see more of your work ,, smiling here lo
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Kinky
That was kinky. Really, really ronchy. You need to get laid. -
Great
I really enjoyed your poem. WOW! I like the way you explain such an intimate moment without making it sound cheap.Kudos to you!
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Amazing
extremely thought provoking, juicy write
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Oh My...
Take my breath away with those words, seduce my mind to be in yours, and take over your body so I feel your passion. I really this. The passion, the desire, the emotion... I love every line of this poem! I got such a clear image. It was mind blowing, sensual, and... and... My God, you got me speechless, my dear... Bravo, my dear, bravo... -
I have read this a few times now and it still always blows me out of the water when i read it. It is amazingly well written even without a muse you did a wonerfull job of writing this keep it up!!!
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You dirty girl! Only joking Lol!
I admire you for this... It's well written and exciting! Thanks for sharing and I will be posting a contest soon
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I love the sensual imagery but it didnt flow quite as much as I wanted it to - maybe that was intended and so it reflects a build up and explosion of lust.
very reflective of the subject, excellent job
pink x -
wow
You bend over and kiss me,
Then you gently pull me under me
And we start to make love.
I feel the passion in you,
In your love and caresses,
I see it in your eyes,
I bathe in it, as our bodies touch and collide.
I have to say this part gave me chills.
Keep writing
I can't wait to read
Have a good one......Erin -
sweet and romantic
it made me think of love gone by (for right now i am loveless) and all the times we had together...
I watch you watching me,
Visually exploring me,
Then your hand begins to play with me,
Teasing me, and turning me on.
‘Such naughty hands! Such a handsome face!’
...this part especially made me think about him...he'd used to watch me doing housework and just come up and take me...beautifully written. -
I'm not a pervert, I promise..
however the title drew me in.
That happens fairly often.
I LOVE THE SECOND STANZA!
It's brilliant!
No, I lied.
I love the whole poem, you are a wonderful writer.
This is beautiful.
Thank you for sharing.
Keep up the good work. -
beautiful and full of passion
This is so full of passion and romance. The imagery is beautiful. I have read a lot of erotica poems on here over the years, but I must say that you write the most tasteful, passionate and the best. Thanks for sharing and keep that pen flowing.
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Outstanding
This is both erotic and sensual at the same time. You have written a poem rich in passion and imagery. I thought this was well-written and not to over the top. Keep writing you have an amazing talent.
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Soft and subtle
You did an outstanding job here. I liked the gentleness that you present here. Great job.
spelling/grammar/punctuation-19
‘oh the ecstasy! Oh the love,
Such passion! Such beauty!’
Keep an eye on your capitalizations. Something such as this will ultimately cost you in the end.
presentation/creativity-20
how well you handled the challenge-20
"grab me" effect (how much did we enjoy reading this piece)-20
overall-18
Total-97
**Master Ktulu**
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Nice work this week.
Nice imagery too!!! Can't wait to see where you drew your inspiration from 
Best of luck in the judging!!
Mel
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I really like this poem! great job
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Lovemaking
I love it, felt like i was there, very very imaginative.
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This is amazing. Very sensual. I love it. You've captured every detail without being dirty, and I admire that alot. Wonderful amazing write!
Megan -
the lower case oh also caught my attention as every line started with a cap. i will also say that i tend to get lost when reading something written by the first person. i don't know why it is but it is the way i am. when it comes to writing in the style of the person you chose, i would say that you captured the style perfectly.
grammar/spelling=19
how well you handled the challenge=20
grab me=19
presentation=20
overall=19
total=97 -
I like the anticipation and the slow advance to the act and the touching. I like that you show us the scene and share the thoughts of the one lover. I also think you can do a bit more with this, but still it was great. I love the random thoughts and the almost "innocent" quality of some of the thoughts. I would love to see what you would do when the muse is in full force.
Spelling/ grammar/ punctuation: 18
Oh instead of Oh and "then you gently pull me under me" - that line did not make sense to me.
Creativity/ presentation: 19
I tend to get lost in poems that describe the sexual act like this one, but you managed to make it a little more interesting for me than these type of poems normally are.
How well you handled the challenge: 20
You did this well.
Grab me effect: 18
As I said I tend to get lost when something is not filled with metaphor and imagery that links to more than just sex or making love. You managed to keep me engaged though and that means you did a great job.
Overall: 18
Total: 93 -
nicely done here with your words and the inspiration that you picked for it.
Riftkin
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