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To Make You Happy

To make you happy, I would do anything,
Over and Over again, I walk away, A human stain

Made to be trampled on by your feet
An unsightly carpet of human flesh
Knowing each day, you like me less
Even as I hard as I try, I can Never make you happy

Your expectations change every day
Only to leave me crying and confused
Unsure of what to do

Heart broken and left to die,
And each day I wonder why
Pain and phobias have taken over my life
Praying for help
Yet there's no way out, or so it seems.

Author notes

shame T h e - H u m a n - S t a i n

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 36 of 36

  • CareBearKilla
    October 27

    Edit | Reply
    wow. it was really, very good. I got a sick image from the line, an unsightly carpet of human flesh.
    You could really feel the dedication, to whoever it is this was about.
    Great Job.
    Good Luck.

  • poets whisper silver member
    September 12

    Edit | Reply
    agony cries out to me in this write ... I can feel lots of emotion. Pain, love, sadness ... hurt. It made me feel those things and poetry should do that; make the reader feel even if it is something unpleasant. Nice job and thank you for entering the contest.


  • AbidoodleCullen
    August 31
    Edit | Reply
    Entered in enough contests?
    Thanks for entering and good luck!
    Abi


    • The-Human-Stain
      August 31
      Edit | Reply
      I don't rally write new ones anymore, i only write when im very depressed and someone gives me a prompt


  • Ami
    August 27
    Edit | Reply
    Wow I really like this write very easy to relate too there's always someone in everybody's life that we'll never be good enough for :/
    Amazing write Thank you so much for entering my contest and Good luck
    -♥Amy♥

  • Ami
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is really good and very relateable I liked the last stanza the best very great write Thank you so much for entering my contest and good luck

    -♥Amy♥


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    July 30
    Edit | Reply
    i like how you incorporated your name in this piece... very nice

  • Juno101
    July 29

    Edit | Reply
    i guess this is where you got your name, i liked how you used it in the poem. i think some lines in this poem are very creative. i enjoyed it, good job.

    • The-Human-Stain
      July 29
      Edit | Reply

      thanks

      this is how i feel veryday the days i get a clean pair of underwear are the days i feel most Blessed, I debatig on sharing this further but not sure what the reaction would be


  • Diminished Capacity gold member
    July 24

    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely brilliant. It is such an emotional piece, one that leaves the reader in tears. The first two lines were my favorite. Thank you so much for entering.


    • The-Human-Stain
      July 25
      Edit | Reply

      thank you

      this is how I feel every day, I have another one but it's a little more subtle so I didn't enter it


  • Mango Memories gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    awww... its very sad in a emotional way.

    I enjoyed reading this...

    well done and thankyou for a great read!


  • Maggie Kay
    June 18
    Edit | Reply
    aw its so sad but good
    stay strong and keep up the good work
    kmp


  • dieu.
    June 18
    Edit | Reply
    no


  • Jazzlyn
    June 16
    Edit | Reply
    very good and filled with pain. thanks for entering


  • Cyanide Dreams
    May 9

    Edit | Reply

    79

    Title: 8/10
    Originality: 8/10
    Emotion: 7/10
    Grammar/Spelling: 8/10
    Flow/Structure: 7/10
    Imagery: 8/10
    Overall Use of Poetic Devices: 7/10
    Reaction: 8/10
    Rules: 10/10
    Overall: 8/10
    Totaling: 79/100

    This had a really good thing going. I felt that with the use of more imagery and poetic devices this could blow any reader away. The intenional idea and flow of this piece is really good though. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.

    Josh


  • T.o.r.t.u.r.e. gold member
    April 1
    Edit | Reply
    definately relateable!

    Thanks for enetering and good luck in the contest

    Favorite lines:

    "Made to be trampled on by your feet
    An unsightly carpet of human flesh
    Knowing each day, you like me less
    Even as I hard as I try, I can Never make you happy"


  • MysteriousWhisper
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    good job! i know the feeling that you have in this poem. it is hard to deal with but usually inevitable in life. good luck in the contest!


  • voodoo ink Greeters member
    March 31

    Edit | Reply
    The things we do for love and acceptance...even be someone's punching bag...this is very sad, but I liked the flow of it. Thanks for sharing your words with us...


  • August Starlight silver member
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    I can definitely relate. Maybe not exactly with the same point you're trying to make here, but I can definitely relate. You have an interesting style that I enjoyed. Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • NickelleteXninja
    March 14

    Edit | Reply
    Even as I hard as I try, I can Never make you happy

    i think the first I needs taken out just thought Id let you know it might be a typo

    very meaningful and full of emtoions
    thanks for entering


  • Symphony
    February 2

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting creative streaks here - particularly the human stain i am a carpet of flesh part - while that imagery sent shivers down my spine, it was unusual - and that can be hard to find, particularly in poems of unrequited love

    -

    i enjoyed this, it was different to the normal strain of cliche poetry , and the ending in particular,

    "or so it seems" - struck me as strong, it's not as though the person is giving up, but more than they're aware that right now it's hard but they won't quite - i like that attitude!

    thanks for entering


  • ToxicSuicide
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this poem, it had some strong parts that really grab your attention. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!
    ~ToxicSuicide.


  • film noir
    December 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    My favorite phrase in this whole poem is 'human stain'. That really grabbed me. It showed a lot of creativity.

    The rest, of it, failed in strength in my honest opinion. Some those lines and phrases were very cliche. I think that if you revised this and added a bit more show then tell. Then, it would be better.

    Thanks for your entry.
    Good Luck in the contest.

    - Aly, the co-judge

  • starving-to-survive
    December 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    brilliant....'the human stain' such great use of words. I can really relate. thank you for entering my contest


  • Simone Brooklyn
    December 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this, and many can relate. Thank you for entering my contest!


  • Zenda-Lokki gold member
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very different from your previous entries and shows a new side to your poetry. Is written well as usual and is a well deserving trophy winner. Good luck in the Peer Pressure contest.


  • HeavensNewestAngel
    December 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good poem you wrote. THank you for sharing and best of luck in my contest!


  • Ryno
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "A human stain."

    That phrase really grabbed me. There is so much creativity, emotion and reality in that one line it is unbelievable.

    But the rest of the poem, I feel, is just not strong enough. Some of the phrasing was really cliche. I would've likes to see you work a lot more with some images; sometimes creative phrasing isn't enough if you don't extend it an work with it.

    Thanks for the entry!


  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very nice poem here you penned i think you did a very great excellent job with your work here it was a pleasure good luck in the contest


    • The-Human-Stain
      October 28
      Edit | Reply

      this is how i feel

      this si truly how i feel every day of the week nothign but a stain


  • melphleg gold member
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is sad. I feel the pain expressed in your words. Relationships are difficult. It is impossible to please everyone. It is impossible to love unconditionally with human love. That is why we all need divine love.

    • The-Human-Stain
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      the story behind this: in a short form i had a very bad childhood, and spent most of my time isolated from other kids. as i grew into my teen years, being physically disabled i tried to get away but i couldnt seem to eevrytime i left i ended up being brought back than at one point i tried suicide afterward i was shoved off to be a preacher a few times a week i tried suicide due to the fact my parents said i was dirty not worthy of clean clothes, not worthy of going out, etc. i lvoed going to church but i was forbid afterwhile my parents are gainst chirstianity, things got worse again i left no one wanted me i ended up back it was okay for awhile but now its the worst its ever been, hitting,threats,name calling etc, and there nowhere to go, and even if i did get away i have no skills, they blame everything on im a crazy liar and need to be in an institution im wrong theyre right and they always win, so im stuck and alone, im not allowed to sing, to read my bible too see my friends etc.


      • melphleg gold member
        October 23, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        That is sad. I do not know what to say or do.


        • The-Human-Stain
          October 23, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Im 5'5 and 75 pounds

        • The-Human-Stain
          October 23, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          I have thrown away most of the thing that were special to me all i have left are my inherited bible collection and some dress clothing that i don't have a reason to wear I dont even bother to clean out the tub to bathe anymore whats the point

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