I'll Dare Myself Tomorrow

When the words fell from your lips,
my soul fell from my body,
and my gripless heart landed in my shoes.
When you removed yourself from my life,
and with it the air from my lungs,
My head spun itself nearly off my neck.
The thoughts that ravished the cortex of my brain
had nowhere to go, no ear to hear them.
Bewildered and forsaken, I watched
as you walked into the without-me.
Seconds passed like days till my legs gave out.
I wept there in what was once our room.
I held everything that had the fainest trace
of the fragrance that I will never forget.
I thought about us, the real us,
and what all of this meant.
There were so many good times
and so few that didn't make the cut.
Our past was still so vivid and real to me,
that I never dreamed you'd one day be
anywhere without the one man,
you swore would never be alone.
So I thought, honestly, that you would be back.
That it was just something you had to work out,
in your own heart and your own mind.
I truly believed the call would come,
and that I would be running off to bring you home.
Home.
A home is where your heart is, and mine left with you?
Where was home to be then.
Where, if not with you could I feel safe laying my heart?
I wanted so deeply to hate you,
to spread lies about you, and harass you.
But I couldn't, because of that thought.
The thought that you'd be back.

But it's been so long,
and it's been so hard,
not seeing love, feeling loved,
not loving or being loved.

I've told myself that I can do it, that I can move on.
The problem is in the belief of what I say.
I can't lie to me, trick me,
or pull wool over my eyes.
I'm just too empty now,
without you to fill me.
No matter the sheeps clothing,
I know I'm still a a mangy old wolf.

So perhaps a new tactic,
a different approach.
Do I dare, do I dare myself,
to love again?

I do.

I dare myself to try once more,
to open the door and actually make it out of it.
A walk in the park maybe, or the coffee house.
A blond, or perhaps (if possible without tears)
another brunette.
Maybe even a red head, as one never knows,
just what plate a starving heart will eat.
I'll see her, greet her, and if lucky,
my heart will leap again,
at the possibility that I can still love.
I'll do whatever it takes,
no mistakes or missed chances this time.
I'll buy flowers, candies and gifts,
remember birthdays, anniversaries, and the day we met.
I'll surprise her with nice things,
at the most perfect of moments.
I'll see if I can make someone happy, anyone,
the one who will need it, as I will need her.
She will perfect for me, and I her,
and we will live just as happy
as the day we meet, forever.

But I think I'll start tomorrow...