I looked at you, trying to muster tears.
This time you weren’t talking. I wasn’t saying…”yes sir”… I was simply gazing.
I noticed other mourners blatantly stare at me, observing my behavior. They saw nothing. They struggled to understand. I could see this upon their faces. I stood stolid, carrying through motions that I knew had to be carried through.
I continued to remember, to tell myself that this was the end of the hatred that enveloped your mortal body. I placed a flower upon your chest. The same chest you had grasped only nights ago in anguish. As I placed the rose, I remembered the contempt you felt for me at times. The glares penetrated my soul. I was scrutinized, my entirety. I was ostracized.
The same blood coursed through my veins that flowed through your very own. Yet I was misplaced. I was …a misfit. I was a misfit simply because you taught me to stand on my own feet and to rely on myself alone. Independence that all should be taught, I learned well. However, along with those lessons came the cold facts. Those facts being, that with my attempt at freedom came the loss of your control. That dominance invariably ate you alive until demise. I only wanted approval. Your acceptance, but that was far too much to ask for. Your consent was beyond my grasp, beyond any individuals grasp. So I strived, in vain. My years of life…Wasted all for you.
I sat in front of the pile of earth knowing that your mortal body was merely feet away. Wanting to hug the ground, feel your warmth, and find reasons, revelations. I searched for something, anything.
Yet all I felt was emptiness. You were no more there for me than you were during life.
I tried to weep. I tried to feel. For a moment, slight moment, a tear ran down my face. Yet I caught myself. I wouldn’t release another. I trapped the cries deep inside.
I suppose I shall remain this way until I too, grasp my chest in anguish. Now comes my continuation of arms. My battles left to resolve.
This is my destiny.
My life.
Author notes
does anyone ever REALLY understand the death of a parent? especially one where abuse was just another day to call life.anywy, heres my attempt at sorting out a single day frozen in time.
In a list
A contest entry
- Contest For Anyone Who Has Not Won A Trophy From Me In The Last Thirty Days by mysticstorm.
650 points, ended October 28, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write Me To Tears by SilentMoonlight.
2700 points, ended November 3, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Heartbreak Hotel by neenz.
900 points, ended November 10, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To say goodbye by BleedingBlackTears.
600 points, ended December 3, 2008, 80 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Reliving the Past by Dead Lover.
700 points, ended November 30, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
im always here if u need someone to talk to. this is heart wrenching
-
This is a fantastic piece of prose ... well done with letting out your feelings here my darling ... while it may feel like the years of your life is wasted because of him, the lessons that were learned, if looked in a different light, can be said as if it helped you to have that never give up attitude, that strong willed woman that I love ... and that all of your friends adore.
And ... while you only allowed one tear to be spilled when it need be ... this piece allowed a sense of release from those emotions that has taken your heart and soul ...
Just know, that I do not see this being your destiny ... the battle, you will win, it will be resolved ... and I will not give up on you and help you through this if you need it.
Love,
Gabriel
-
fantastic i love it
-
Wow, very powerful. This line stands out for me:
"You were no more there for me than you were during life."
Thank you for the entry.
-N -
I can relate
This poem in story form was an amazing read, such raw emotions of grief that at times were hard to express, and I know the feeling, for one day you are the victim, abused by a father who should be your protector. Than the next thing you know, he drops dead and you are expected to pour out your emotions. In this poem there was much I could relate to my own situation, such emotions felt strongly. Great write and take care.
-
So much emotion and wow! I really liked this one. Great work. Best to you in the contests
-
Very emotional ! Strong and powerful write full of mixed emotions...something I can relate to as well...I am very sorry and wish you the best...
thank you for entering!
mystic -
This was extremely emotional there were so many things I could relate to in this poem. It was such a powerfully strong poem where the words that were used just seemed to fit perfectly into place.
-
I really like this. Was he dead or something? My sister is dead, it was really hard not to cry at the open casket...
-
I really had a hard time keeping back my tears for this one. I was abused as a child, but not by my parents. I was in a home. You wrote this so well and the thoughts you put across were ones so real to me to. I read this twice because it was such a damned piece for someone who cared so little for you. Domination is a word that falls on deaf ears for a lot of people who do it. Anger arises when they realise that you can no longer be controlled. This was a simply delightful piece to read and i give you full marks for how you made the images come to life in my mind. Well done indeed.
-
poem poem poem lol nah its prose i know this but it could be classed as a free verse piece, i loved it shuch raw emotion and honesty, your not bad at this old writing lark (; take care
-
-
thank you my dear friend
.....your opinion means a lot to me!
-
-
This is so painstakingly honest! It makes me want to hug my children and pray that i do nothing to ever lose their favour.Someday you will be able to cry and let it all come forth and begin healing. until that time keep your head up and know you are strong and always will be no matter what life throws at you.I know you can do it!!!!!
-
Wow, sis! I like the line, "that with my attempt at freedom came the loss of your control"... I think I know what you meant, but not quite sure. Like, my dad is always telling me that I need to stand on my own too feet, but when I try to assert my independence he yells at me for thinking I'm too grown up and tells me that I don't know everything. It's a vicious cycle that just goes around and around. I've started to think maybe he tells me that just because that's what parents are supposed to teach their children, but really, he wants me to depend on him fully and make him feel like he's in control. He has told me that he wants complete control of my life and he feels like he doesn't have it.
Anyway, I love this scene that you've written out. The beginning, when you're talking about gazing at him... I can totally picture that and put myself in your shoes to an extend. I mean, I can connect with what you were feeling... Really mixed emotions. Like just standing there wondering, "Why did everyone think so highly of him? They have no idea how he treated me." It makes you want to scream, right? You just want to burst out into a screaming, crying fit and you want everyone to know what you're feeling inside...How he made you feel, but at the same time you respect him enough not to say a word... Kinda what I was trying to get across in my poem, "Daddy", when I said "[They think so highly of him, I cannot say a word]", or something like that.
Ok...I'll quit rambling. =]
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
