And the sun finally sets
shards of light flicker, dancing
strange little creatures
reflected in her tears
as she watches
the world crumble to dust
from her perch among the stars.
A contest entry
- The End by Salt Therapy.
700 points, ended October 28, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Feel free to be as critical (or not) as you like...
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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A simple piece, but refreshing in its unique picture. I love the "strange little creatures" although I'm not sure what they are, perhaps the shards of flickering light, perhaps something else? I also loved the last two lines. Awesome.
As a poet I know that we often find greatest inspiration in nature: streams, stars, storms, skies, sunsets... But it's a challenge to describe these things because it's been done so many times before, often by history's best poets. Anyway, I like what you did with this.
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Poet
Short tragic piece of writing that creats a vision lasting.Well done. I to have sat on that perch. -
some ends are new beginnings and can only hope as she watches, that a better one will begin for her. Quite stunning.
DARK
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Beautiful picture, Shadows. Very wonderfully crafted.
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This is really cool. I like the imagery you used, introducing us to the character you wrote abou. Unless it's a metaphor, which I am horrible at noticing, and I just insulted you by noy getting it. : P Great job anyway!
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i looooooved this and i miss you i hope you come back soon
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Beautifully Poignant...
Brilliant, just absolutely, breathtakingly brilliant!! Wishing you all the best!! Peace, Cyn 
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Absolutely beautiful.
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From Such A Lofty
perch, one can be aware of soo much chaos. Surely, one could imagine the sadness it would engender.
You have painted well with a celestial canvas of this offering. I have been moved by the emotional imagery. Thank you for sharing.
Silent Hawk
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Wonderfully expressed.
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Wow. Really great! The last three lines are genius. I sometimes feel like I'm perched among the stars - so far away from reality.
I can't tell though if it's the shards of light dancing, or the creatures - and I stopped to reread that part a few times. Might I suggest a dash after "dancing," if it was the light [seeing as you obviously want it to look like one sentence]? -
w0w
Hey I don't even know what to say...
I simply loved it!
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Poet
what a picture you have painted. Clearly I see the sadness from the Heavens and tears that rain down. Excellent write.
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