Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Rock Me to Sleep

Why does my soul again for you yearn?
What has my heart yet to learn?
Tell me sweet lies so I no longer weep
Why do I ask you to Rock me to Sleep?

Could I not see through this World’s vale of tears
Light would my sorrow’s be, harmless my fears
All that seems darkness would only be light
All would be sunshine, where now is but night
No hurt could come of your deceit
Your touch could sooth me and Rock me to Sleep

But why would I backward through time again turn
When through your eyes the deception will burn
Weary one, why through the past again roam
Pretending Perfection can not make a home
So strong I’ll stand, you’ll hurt me no more
Call me not back from the echoless shore
My strength will sooth me and Rock me to sleep
For your sorry ass I will no longer weep!!

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • GoliathAssassin
    June 29

    Edit | Reply

    Interesting

    The last line is quite a downer, artistically-speaking. Yeah, it's got punch, but at what cost? If the rest of the poem were punchy, I'd be all for it, but it seems to me like you ruined an otherwise eloquent poem. I caught on to the wierd wording, too. Maybe if the poem didn't have to rhyme... that mght make it easier to read and more punchy besides. I dunno... But in the first line of the second stanza, I'm pretty sure you wanted "veil." I guess no one reader will like them all?


  • Linaness
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    I really love this!
    I love how you start off with 4 lines in the first stanza, and then 6 lines in the second stanza and then 8 lines in the third stanza.
    I also love how you've worded things so well and intricately. Instead of just saying something how one would talk, you've changed words around to make it beautiful to read.
    I will say though, line 18 (the last line) somewhat changes the feel of the poem for me.
    It does make me feel of you (the author) becoming strong and not weeping over this love, but the use of the word 'ass' takes some of the beauty away from the rest of the poem.
    But other than that, I absolutely loved reading this.
    Nice job.


  • HeatherDay
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    I love this one it made me cry. It reminds me of my life. And How I should not be heartbroken by a guy who I shouldn't be cying over.


  • BrandonHerron270
    October 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    This is definitely my favorite of yours. I'm shocked! It's freakin' awesome!