Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Should've

I cradled in my arms
this sweetness
that never before's been felt.

Whether high on love
or low with exhaustion
I laid bare my thoughts

and if only for a moment
you saw what was harbored by my eyes
and didn't turn away...

                      the shattered pieces of my alarm clock
                                still lie against the wall
                                          since the moment I knew it was a dream...

I should have known better
I should have known...
                that people like me do not love...
                                that people like me aren't loved...
              that I don't dare show weakness..
                                that you would never know...
I should have known...
I should have known...

Author notes

4. “Scarlet” – Brooke Fraser
‘And this very moment
Of timid and fragile honesty
Is precious and rare
And fleeting'

Inspired by quote, but the poem kinda went off on it's own road after I read the quote (poetry seems to have a mind of its own most of the time), so if you feel it doesn't fit the quote do tell me, I'll try to change it.

I am in the middle of a huge writer's block and am writing as much as I can to get out of it, so don't feel obliged to say you liked my poem, but if you have a suggestion to improve it, I more then welcome it.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • LovelyTraces
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    This was great! congratulations on the silver! you definitely deserve it.

    i love the way that everything that should have been was written inline, and everything that breaks up the ideal image, is scattered to the right, imperfect, and rude (for lack of a better word) to the dream. that was spectacular!

    i don't have anything to tell you revision-wise..sorry it's so great! XD.


  • ylova
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really really loved this. Wow! And lookie! Silver trophy! You deserved it. Great work

    Much love


  • KyleBerg gold member
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my! Don't you dare change it! It's wonderful the way it is. I don't at all mind, as long as it was originally inspired by the quote =) I personally believe that the poems that seem to decide their own direction are often the best ones.

    At first I wasn't sure where this poem was going, but when I got to the lines about the shattered alarm clock.. i was captured. That was incredibly well done.

    "that people like me do not love...
    that people like me aren't loved...
    that I don't dare show weakness..
    that you would never know..."

    -- those lines were really great, though depressing. They really moved me. =)

    And then there was the repetition of "I should have known".. great job with that.. the whole poem came together really well..

    The only criticism I have for this poem is the title... it just didn't inspire curiosity in me..

    Which of course means that I was pleasantly surprised by the amazing quality of the poem =)

    Thanks so much for entering, best of luck