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Slow Down There, Room To Rest

An adrenaline junkie falls
out of bed, out of laced comas
To keep gravity from moving
along in haste only known to time.

Forgot to say slow down and
rest like a grave that's left, undug
"No sleep is for the dead"
He says with an inanimate corpse
for his shadows and bed.

No resting at peace for this junkie
Or the homeless guy down the street
looking for cans as a savaged animal
would do for rabies.

Or maybe a drug induced prostitute
stays up most nights because she is always
thinking of the next big thing in this game
of Rabbits and Lions.

"Not for the weak or meek"
She says with money in her hand
with drugs on her sleeves
Heart weary of thieves and liars.










Author notes

...
Prompt: With A Rush

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • broken-colours
    November 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That last line is super powerful! I think, at times, we all can be thieves and liars. Wow. I like that.

    This poem was pretty nifty. A bit dark, I'll agree, but you do dark well. It's not just the cliche "I hate the world and everything's coloured in crimson to me"... *chuckles*

    Good job!


  • hawkeslake gold member
    November 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You've told a wonderfully visual story about life on the streets, and also about the needs and feelings of the people you have described. I always like checking out your work, although I don't always click to your latest! Keep up the good work!


    • badnovocaine
      November 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I appreciate noticing the spelling errors and the suggestions, i have made some changes. Thanks
      I cant tell you that more people need to do what you did.
      It helps a lot!!!!! Most of the time I dont even recognize the errors in my poems so thank you.

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Homeless has an 'e' in it.

    I would like to see some of the 'sleeps' removed, it just becomes repetitive.

    The ending stanza is strong, I enjoyed it.

    Interesting interpretation of the prompt.

    • badnovocaine
      October 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oh yeah sorry about that, I hope you will give me a second chance, I was kind of hasty when I wrote this because someone came right away when i was in the middle of writing this poem so I had to close it out.
      I was going to edit it when I came back cos it didn't take that long.

      So Im hoping you will give me a second chance.

      • Melissa Gayle gold member
        October 21, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        It sounds much better. I will come back again when this contest closes.

1 - 7 of 7