Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

they don't seem to notice the queen



people wander in and out

bidet, focal of the room
a white porcelain fountain


- critical condition -
  thighs held tight enough to crack a spine.
  a lady in waiting


crowd dissipates,
i take my place

the court returns  

and there i am,

 

enthroned

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

.

A contest entry

constuctive critique appreciated

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • jantastic gold member
    November 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Really enjoyed this. The humour, the concise write, the definite dream oddity...

    I'm running out of words after too many comments.. forgive me.

    Thanks


  • zochit2me gold member
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Dear Deb,
    You are enthroned at all times in my book.
    Love the obscurity of this dream and the fact that the reader is left to wonder WTF...lol. But hey it's a dream right and no ending or fill in between is wrong...

    you
    I

    ♥Becky♥


    • Luna Tique Fringe
      November 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      you know me luvs ya..

      if i rock, and you roll..then we must rule together



      thanks

  • Suzanne Dia
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Okay...what I like about this one ..is the obscurity. I've had too many dreams that I can't quite put my finger on..and I think you did a really good job of capturing that feeling in this..I also like your effective use of concise language.

    Thanks for entering


  • arafura gold member
    November 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love the pure porcelain white of this write! Simple and shining with vibrancy and life. Bravo!


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ok in a weird litteral way i felt like i was so looking for the crapper wanting to be deep in thought with not a care of who is around....
    but that was the naughty thought me...

    then the other thought me was how people have to be the center focal point of the room when you are in a nice conversation with either one person or a group.... and rudely interrupted only to have to regroup and start again

    and then... i head to even another place where it would be like i am at a function or party or gathering.... the bidet is could be a metaphor and then again might not be if you are in the actual bathroom of the place-- you know how princesses gather... you are ignored only to become the focal point later that sort of thing.. dunno....

    oh fudge.. i am all over the place here LOL

    i loved it
    and hope i didnt rape it terribly

  • ea silver member
    October 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    lol, this a rather wry dream.


  • dp robertson
    October 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    By this stage I bet the king as a good grip on his sepulchre


  • Cup-a-Joe
    October 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I don't think I would be able to do that.
    Nice poem, very good imagery.
    Joe


  • Cat gold member
    October 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow...

    i love the title.. the images...

    wow... this is really good

1 - 17 of 17