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smile the warm sun

life

in every breath

stretch

out to the heavens

believe

the songs of the wind

absorb

into the very soul

human




















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1 - 5 of 5

  • Captain Redundant gold member
    October 23, 2008
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    now i have to go out with the dogs
    perhaps the last warm colorful afternoon...


  • blondeoverblue
    October 22, 2008

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    I'll be honest, admit my ignorance and say that this has confuzzled me somewhat. The fact that you haven't chosen a category to place it in doesn’t help either!
    The opening of 'life in every breadth' isn't really grammatically correct and doesn’t make much sense. Life has breadth, for example from birth to death, from happy well being to deep depression but it doesn’t have ‘every breadth’.
    This piece does have a dreamy feel to it with nice use of consonance ‘breadth’ ‘stretch’ ‘heavens’ and the title makes one think of warm autumnal days as opposed to the heat of summer.
    Kat


    • Crowheart
      October 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks for the input, Blue and yes your right in the confuzlement theory.
      As I look at the use in this piece that is. If we inspect your definitions (which are of course correct) "birth to death", or "from happy well being to deep depression (what about only under the skin, sort of depressed type of depression(?) :}). These def's seem to me that breadth becomes sort of a timeline, a thing, a place, a noun, perhaps! Alas! and thus could posssibly be construed as "each and every" breadth, I suppose.
      However there are rules that one must conform to in a general kinda way, so touche" to you my dear girl, I went for the edit. But of course tweaking never ends at one edit so I changed "into your very soul" to "into the very soul" making it more of a personal statement from "toward you the reader" to mere self, of the perceived writer instead . And then of course ending it with "human" to bring it all home.
      Krikey! Ive made mincemeat out of this justification and redemption package, so I'll just shut up now...But I do enjoy the feedback. So keep it comin' girlie.
      all the best
      dan


      • blondeoverblue
        October 22, 2008
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        Well thanks for taking that in such good stead, I had originally written much more but it just sounded picky so I deleted it! I love the edit, it works much better, although I'm teetering on suggesting 'humanity' instead of simply 'human' for the last line. I know, I know, just no pleasing some folks!!!

        Kat


  • Watuwant silver member
    October 21, 2008

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    It is getting cold up here in Mn, and already I yearn for the warm sun. All that aside, this breathes warmth into me. Ahhhhhh...

1 - 5 of 5