At the garden end, a wall
Beyond, a maze of trains, and harsh whistle notes
From a myriad metal throats
And myself too small
To see, without my father lifting me
Into the clouds of fiery dragon-smoke
With that acrid scent.
Still I recall
The red light, bright in the night's
Coal-black tent.
A contest entry
- What is your earliest memory? by Judith Chandler.
590 points, ended November 2, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is lovely. I havent read you for ages is all well with you? xx
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a vivid memory and so quintessentially boyish. Nicely done, nice to see you posting again.
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This is beautifully said and delicately rhymed; I enjoyed it very much. The "fiery dragon smoke" is a great metaphor that informs the whole poem.
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Very competently rhymed and the imagery is atmospheric and well described. A very enjoyable piece.
Bill
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It must have seemed magical. Or maybe not, since you were new to the world and everything would be magical. I too have a memory of train whistles in the night.
Thank you for submitting this piece to my contest. -
Outstanding
I liked the images you used in this poem and the way it rhymes in such an unusual and effective way. I loved the line "Into the clouds of fiery dragon-smoke" which was unexpected and very visual. Childhood memories are something no one can take away from us and they remain precious. Best of luck in the contest.
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