Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Fresh-cut Track


I took my pen and thought of her
behind her shield of shattered tatters
was she young when she first thought
of words and verses to be caught?

Can those words be simply told
is she you now or then so bold
to come from out the shield she  built
and give the world her songs that lilt?

Now create some  love and wonder
Sing those songs so warm and tender
Sling a rucksack on joyful back
Enjoy new trek on fresh-cut  track.

A contest entry

How was it for you?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Rheea gold member
    November 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this very much, but I like her. The name I come up with is NICE =) she always is.


  • Albrecht Duracell
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Everything's good with this, but I long for a fourth verse with railroad guns and zeppelins and bridges being blown up on the Rhine. Oh well, can't have everything!


  • quantumsurveyor
    October 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks so much for commenting more than once on my Library readings. I have no way of knowing what I have pulled from past or present to put in the list (my inherent laziness I suppose, added to addled memory!) so I mun apologise for un-noticed repeats. Your patience and kindness are exemplary.


  • Paloszoo gold member
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very fresh take on the prompt! Enjoyed it! Thanks so much for entering my contest. I’m honored to have you show your work here.


  • trekkergirl
    October 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I have commented on this one before. It is very good. Thanks for sharing it with us.


  • lianonsidhe silver member
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this! Felt like you were talking to me as I'd been a bit down on myself for something. The line that really stood out for me and lifted my spirits was:
    'to come from out the shield she built
    and give the world her songs that lilt?'
    I've been working hard on a musical I'm writing and had got a bit of writers block, but this reminded me that my songs were kind of catchy and so I musn't beat myself up for small things when so many good things have already been done. Thank you for lifting me with your super write!

  • piccola
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the image of a rucksack ... it sounds so much better than back pack. Although back pack says what it means. I know what a sack is but ... what's ruck?


    • quantumsurveyor
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for this. Here a rucksack is what the rest of the world would probably call a backpack or a knapsack. Apparently ruck comes from the German meaning back. Ain't knowledge wonderful? (Got it from Wikipedia LOL)

  • Judith Chandler
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such nice imagery and word choice. I really enjoyed reading this one and I wish you luck in the contest.


  • trekkergirl
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is very good. I like the imagery in this one. How she has built up a shield and how you are encouraging her to come out and write her wonderful words. Very well written. Flows wonderfully and I do like it very much!

1 - 11 of 11