A young girl named Orelia
runs down the street
with the intent of obtaining icecream
from a man in a musical van.
The sun beats down hard on her although
it was raining earlier.
Orelia remembered the beautiful sunshower she'd seen that morning.
It was the first one she'd ever seen.
Orelia used to live in England
and England was not the place to go
if you wanted to experience the smell
that concrete gives off after its been raining.
You need a certain degree of heat for that.
The asphalt still gave off that smell.
The smell that concrete gives off after its been raining.
When the weather is hot and muggy.
Such a unique phenomenon.
The scent was vaguely like maple syrup Orelia thought
and it made her even hungrier than she already was.
Orelia reached the van.
A kindly old man reached down into the icecream tray
and gave her what she asked for.
Just a plain softserve icecream in a cone.
Orelia took a bite and smiled
and started to walk back home.
Author notes
Closer to a meaningless short story than a poem. Sorry!
A contest entry
- Asphalt by Danna Hobart.
400 points, ended November 13, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Baby poems please. by I will stand by you.
900 points, ended March 18, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To Be Put On My Favorites List by Ted E Bare.
400 points, ended October 15, 248 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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great write and thanks for entering. Good luck.
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Thanks for entering.
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JUDGE:
I don’t think it’s meaningless and I don’t mind a little prose now and again. But I DID ask for correct punctuation. If you want to work on that, I don’t mind keeping it in the contest.
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Hmmm. I guess I could give punctuation a whirl. My dad is an english teacher so I have a paradoxical aversion to punctuation or correct grammar. I'll give it some commas and apostrophies just for you. For a little while
: )
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You know. I like the narrative here. You've got a good moral to it and I like the names and alliteration.
A little tweaking with the form and you could have something special.
as from me...
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