Once I had a heart
full of caring and life
Then I met her and fell at the start
but she left me feeling nothing but strife.
When we were together
it made me feel happy and complete
You had to give up on our forever
leaving me with history to repeat.
You should have told me
where I was going wrong
Instead of letting me be
you decided that we didn't belong.
Here I am alone and blue
when I thought we'd never part
With you I was always true
but you had to leave me with an empty heart.
A contest entry
- Best Writes Since 1st November 2008! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended November 15, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please don't critique this.
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Raw, god this sounds so much like me and the state I've been in recently. It's funny how you can know something and yet have no solution to it.
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Your poetry is always deep and full of truth and meaning, leaves me in a dream, like looking at a paint of colour and warmth. sometimes your poetry is very sad like this one still very beautiful and moving I hope you find the special someone soon, so you can write even more beautiful that lifts and warm you heart and the reads.
excellent poem thanks for sharing
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Wow. I can relate to this, as much as I hate so say it. And like all your work..its great.
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sad poem Jöel ...full of woe and loss. Never any fun for anyone to have their heart ripped out... blessings always~ Trisha~
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Very deep and sad Joel!
Wonderful work expressing yourself
here my friend. Take care!
Jeremy0826 -
great!
Love it xx
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That's so sad. I know how it feels to have your heart ripped out of you cause you thought she or he was the one. I'm here if you ever need to talk.
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Sad
A beautiful piece well inked...I especially liked it'd flow and rhyme scheme...Keep up the good work...Shalom
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is gud but dont try so hard to rhyme
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wow this reminds me of everything i went thro with my selfish jerk ex boyfriend.
other than the simularities its wonderful!
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Beautifully Penned
This is very emotional and the words grab you by the heart....The rhyme is amazing, well balanced poem...but so sad I could feel the heart breaking in a million piece's. Excellent write......novy
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Sadly, not everything ends up the way we want them. I felt myself draw to this piece because it reminded me of past "flings" that I've had. Very heartfelt and a wonderful write.
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Nice job. It reminds me of my ex and myself.
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This is so sorrowful, and heart wrenching. Stunning. I love the flow of it.
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i love the effortless flow of this (:
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This is good.
I love the last stanza, I know how that goes! -
aww. to the point and showing your true passion and feelings... everyone has felt this way at one point and im sorry your feelin that i know its hard.
great poem
-victoria rose- -
This was a nice poem straight to the point,nicely written i think we've all been in this position at some point in our life.
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Nicely done. Short and simple, but still passionate. The flow of the piece is really nice as well. Ha ha ha I must admit when I read this I thought of a friend of mine who is asking the same questions right now to there ex lover.
Good write
hope everything works out in the end.
Sincerely,
Toddy -
wow amazing poem that I can soo relate to
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I love the rythme here. It does not appear to be forced at all. Also, you use imagery very well. And I do like romantic poetry. Especially angst type ones like this one. You did well. It is nicely done and I repeat I like this.
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I'm sorry that you had to go through this.
Move on is what I say. I'm 53 years old and I've now got this rule that when there are not two hearts together headed toward one direction, it's over, and the sooner I realize that the better. Don't be 'reactive' but be 'proactive'. In other words don't simply react to the actions of your next lover, letting those actions affect you. Take action yourself to head into the right direction.
Take charge.
Believe me, I've been there where you are right now and I have felt the way you do. Move forward in strength.
God bless you,
Paul
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I love the message it is portraying, but i think that some of the phrases seem incomplete.
When we were together
it made me feel happy and complete
You had to give up on our forever
leaving me with history to repeat.
When I was reading this section in particular, I felt like there could have been more. Like, what kind of history are you repeating. it just didn't seem too clear to me.
Honestly, I loved it! Just a little constructive criticism to think about.
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I loved it. Really good write. Keep up the good work.
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I loved it
SORRY this happened to such a beautiful heart like yours amazing really never change for anyone Joel s pen on poet
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This is good I liked it it was full of heartache and longing, I really enjoyed it, please RTF thanks x Great work again
Georgia
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