. . .An empty pulse, breaking down walls
The heartbeat marks the footsteps....
Of the roads being walked upon
Echos fill the woods with fear
Screams can't find their rightful place
. . .Words don't mean much anymore
A smile vanishes as soon as it appears....
Prosperity is not welcome here
A single unison of raindrops nearby
Define the tears being shed by the hour
Guilt marks it's proper location....
Of the roads being walked upon.
Karma stops you dead in your tracks
As victims shuffle through regretted mistakes
Apologies and forgiveness become long gone....
Of the roads being walked upon.
. . .An empty pulse, breaking down walls
The heartbeat marks the faces. . .
Even sorrow, finds it's balance.
Author notes
Hm. Well, as you know..... Lately, everything I write or do has been crap. So I had a wise person tell me to use this method: describe the state your in.
I am in this very dark state, that I can't seem to get out of it. I guess this poem(if it even is a poem) describes this stage as if it were a place.
A contest entry
- Best Prewrites! by movedon.
1750 points, ended May 8, 363 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Kathraina.
650 points, ended August 15, 460 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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brilliant
. . .Words don't mean much anymore
they really dont.
i love this write, well done.
this deserves one of those french "mwahs"
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Really? Glad you think so, I believe this piece needs a lot of work. At least not everyone sees it like that lol.
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too much and i think you'll take away from the true message
ahh this piece needs no fix, its perfect.
your crazy not to think s
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Well, I am known for working my poetry down to the bone until it's perfect in my eyes lol.
I don't really know what message I am trying to send behind this piece, it's just sort of difficult to construct this one into anything. -
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loll, total opposites...
see im not good with words, so telling you what i think it means will make me come out sounding dumb.
- but hey id love to read it after you revise it. but hey if i was right that it sounded better before you owe me...what idk. but you owe me.
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Irony: I was listening to a song about heartbeats and pulses (don't know what it was >.<) when I read this.
I just can't get over how much I love the layout and the flow of this piece. The repetition is much loved too.
In my opinion some of the best poetry is written when people are in their dark places. The same goes for when they're so happy they think their hearts will explode. I thinkthat we all just need to learn how to manipulate these moods, to make them work for us.
Overall, I like it. The elements all work together so well. The opening line pulled me in and I found that I could not stop reading.
(And if you're wondering why someone you've never heard of is commenting randomly on your poetry sometimes I just start clicking on links until I end up on someone's page and then I like to read some of their work. Sorry for the superlong comment.)
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Wow, I love the flow and emotions invoked here!
Great job with this piece.
Bravo!
♥ kate -
Wow! Very real and dark! It was almost as though I could feel this state of emptiness! Love it. Thanks for entering!
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yes
you followed the wise words quite well
it has the feeling of the light at the end of the tunnel
its real , dark almost eerie but a sense of a spiritual security
a guardian waiting to clear the hopelessness
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1 - 9 of 9
