Somehow you have suprised me once again,
Which really says more about my delusions than it does about your motivations.
I continue to look for a me in your actions and seeing only a you;
and I have made so many excuses for the way you act
that my reality is bent beyond my capacity to dream.
Intellectually and spiritually we are like strawberry and pot roast-
our sicknesses formed a perfect soup of toxic misunderstandings
and no amount of spicy sex will ever make this unhealthy dish palatable.
So I'm going to leave this situation exactly as it lay, abandoned, growing cold,
and hope that someday my dreams will return clean, tasty and free.
Author notes
prompt is "I can't dream any longer when reality has so many thorns."
A contest entry
- PIF PROMPT CONTEST. by penman.
900 points, ended October 21, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow! I think what you have written here in this poem is something that so many people will relate to. I personally know this feeling of emptiness with a partner all too well. You expressed your feelings so well. Great job, and thanks so much for entering. Blessings, Patty
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I don't think you need the spaces between the lines at all, it would read more coherently without.
For me this reads a bit more like prose, so in that sense it is very well done. The right amount of story, emotion and image -
I would appreciate if you ask for my permission the next time you want to post a poem about my marriage/divorce.
You really know how to take something personal and make a reader feel like it was a page from thier own book....FANTASTIC.
"Which really says more about my delusions than it does about your motivations.... " MAN that one single line packed so much of my OWN personal truth in it you cant even imagine.
Great job.
Jamie
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wow, been in that people soup, and got burned, love the strawberry and pot roast reference. it really seem like some ladies in one's life are
great in bed, but lacking in the head dept....brains that is...lol. self centered beyond any inkling of who you are, or your inner needs. they are fedders, never serving much in return. great write. it hit home from a long time ago.~~Artis
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This is a powerfully emotionally write. Congrats on the HM.. but it deserved Gold! I enjoying reading your words..spoken with truth, realness and beauty.
Great job!
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you didn't hold back in this piece and
because you didn't you completely grabbed
my attention. Am I breathing? When I
read a poem that gets down to the heart of
things it feels like the only air I breathe is
the poem itself.
Love, Lane
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Wonderful
Very well done. Best of luck in the contest.
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Fabulous
Perfect use of the prompt here. Darn you're good at these! This reads so smoothly, so flawlessly,which makes the subject matter even more emotional by contrast.
Unfortunately the word 'Toxic' has for me, been forever destroyed by Britney! Personally I'd have prefered ' a perfect soup of poisonous misunderstandings' I think poisonous is more in keeping with the idea of food, toxic sounds more chemical.
Your wonderful poetry just sounds so effortless, a simple stream of consciousness, captured perfectly, unedited. Is it? I'd be really interested to know how you create such stunning pieces of work.
Kat
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