There are one hundred and one reasons
Why I despise you
Maybe because you toy with my emotions
And use them as your personal dolls
The time that you told me
That I was just a waste of human life
The things that you said
Broke me
Like a crack in my soul
You were shallow
And only wanted to create more
To add to your collection
Though there was nothing in it for you
You found joy out of killing my self esteem
The one hundred and one reasons
Create a list too long for human to read
Though you and I both know
You are not human
But now I know
One hundred and one ways
I can hurt you
Permanently damage you
Like you did to me
A contest entry
- Title/Quote Prompt by Harlequin Dance.
600 points, ended October 25, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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From The Critical Reviews (2) Group:
This poem does have the emotion of anger and need for revenge or retribution, although the latter part never fully satisfies and neither does the former. At least no truly. I personal think the rawness of it could be kept, but the write itself still be edited...perhaps some parts expanded and phrased differently. I don't want to seem as if I'm re-writing it, but here's a vision of what could be done with it, with a few insertions on my part:
There are one hundred and one reasons
Why I despise you:
[You're sadistic] toy[ing] with my emotions
Using them as your personal dollsThe time that you told me
I was just a waste of human life;
[Your vitrolic words, abusing me until you]
Broke me
Like a [fissure] in my soul
You were shallow
And only wantedTo add to your collection
[of misused bodies adoring your walls/shelves]
There was nothing in it for you
Or in you
[But] joy out of killing my self esteem
[My] one hundred and one reasons
Create[d] a list too long for humans to read
Though you and I both know
You are not human
Now I know
One hundred and one ways
I can hurt you
Permanently damage you
Like you did meYou can take the suggestions as you see fit. I hope they helped you.
Thank you for sharing. *rose*
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Hi. I’m with Critical Reviewers Two.
Here is the constructive criticism you asked for:
There are probably ways your poem could be more technically correct. But considering its message, I don’t know if I would change it. It’s raw and raw things sometimes are not even and smooth flowing. I personally (usually) don’t like poems that have no punctuation. But that seems to be working for you in this instance.
I found no misspellings or typos. I especially like that in a poem. Good luck.
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Outstanding
Revenge can be very sweet sometimes. Nobody has the right to destroy peoples self-confidence and anyone who tries to do this deserves what's coming to you. I thought this was written with a lot of emotion and you created some good images. e.g.Like a crack in my soul
Best of luck in the contest.
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Very sad poem, but very good at the same time. You could have a bit more rhythm, but it is still very beautifully written. Your emotions are very strong, and sensing them makes the reader more engaged into them poem. Wonderfully done! =]
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Wow...was not expecting the prompt to go such a dark way. The last stanza especially got to me. Good job
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I feel that this poem isn’t only for contest purposes; I feel that your personally wounded and through your words I can sense anger, hurt, rage and… power that’s about to be unleashed. This power is your self esteem, it’s the true you that was masked under his demeaning abuse towards you.
I read your poem and I cannot ask you to change a thing except to add all the emotions that aged inside you. If this is rage then I want more of you, to EXPLODE. Between the fury of your lines, and your resentment, I can tell you have a lot more to say, that’s the only reason I feel your poem is incomplete.
Your whole poem is a four line stanza structure; make sure you keep it that way. It balances the whole atmosphere smoothly.
If this is not your personal experience then I believe any kind thought or emotion is triggered from some kind of unique inspiration to that person and you did an good job expressing yourself, I almost want to reach out my hands and pull you out of your misery.
I love how you take in authority in the end.
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o.o
when i read this poem i thought of a puppet. super sad poem *tear to eye* but well thought up i like your choice of wording. keep up the good work
Allie
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Title prompt: One Hundred and One Ways
Take it where you will.
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