SAY IT!
" i promise to never leave ."
Her nails are worn thin.
As blood drips in his soup.
Just waiting for the slaughtering
Like a chicken in its coop.
TELL ME AGAIN!
" i promise to obey ."
But the harsh blow shatters all the pieces.
Shards of glass embedded too deep.
In your veins you'll find your happiness.
And I pray to god for everlasting sleep.
NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY!
" i'll always be here ."
And I find myself on the ceiling,
looking down at the disfigurement girl.
Her long black hair hiding her nakedness,
Glossed voided eyes that stare.
And his hands tremble with delight,
as he wipes the sweat of his disease on his sleeve.
He loosens his grip of the bruised blacken night.
Stroking the little girl he knew could never leave.
Author notes
PROMPT PAIN
what do you think.
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
-
wow thats painful to read knowing the theme here...... great write none the less. and thank you for entering.
-
child abuse is a horribly twisted thought pattern. Great job on this piece.
-
Excellent!
-
some grammar errors you might want to look into fixing those. Other than that this was very sadistic. I loved it thanks for entering.
-
This is quite sad. Deeply dark and like Ktulu says quite sadistic. Very nicely done tho. Thanks for entering and good luck
-
Very sadistic and quite twisted. I loved this. Thanks for entering and good luck.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
If there was a piece that could redefine pain and suffering committed freely by someone to another, this piece did it with such a sadistic justice that it actually gave me chills ... that's really hard to do and I commend you for doing that ... hehe ...
I see nothing that could very well be changed on this piece nor are there any mistakes ... if the poetess wishes though, more could be added to the effects of the sinister actions ... but what's written is actually enough ...
Anyways ... well done! Good luck in the contest ...
G.
-
-
Oh ty so much for your kind words, im thrilled you enjoyed it, perhaps i will try to add more to this i think that would be a good idea.
-
-
You welcome ... and do get back to me if and when you add more to this piece ... i'll return and comment again lol ...
-
-
-
so full of pain and dark and depressing...i loved reading it. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
-
Sick and painful
a dark write indeed
your imagery was almost hard to read and the emotions were painful to "feel" -
I felt something while reading this. I was hungry before I started reading this poem, but now, I'm going to skip lunch.
This whole poems make me viciously ill. The second stanza made me want to dig my eyes out with a salad fork. That's a good thing, I think. lulz
My favorite stanza was the last one.
Thanks for your entry!
Good Luck in the contest!
- Aly, the co judge -
I dont like what this reminds me of, because of personal memories, im not sure if the poem is making me feel anything or just reminding me of things ive felt. Either way, graphically disturbing.
Thank you for entering.
Laura -
this is digustingly disturbing and in most defiance, the darkest of some of these writes i've recorded thus far in this contest. i'm curious as to your AP name so i can read more of what it is you've found without light. well written. enticing to the end. unfortunate when i misunderstand exactly how dark things get.
-
Holy wow. I had some shivers there. That was great! Thanks for sharing!!
-
I understand the craft of this poem, the way it is so well-written, but it is just too hurtful and realistic for me to read by choice. I'll have to look at something else you've written.
-
Oooooooh this is so deep. I love it. So well done, thank you for your awesome entry.
Dani. -
What really got me about this piece, as my first impression was its incredibly intensity and the creative, and powerful images.
I also really liked the form-type-deal of this piece. A literal, normal, sentence stated, then a powerful more poetic indepth look at it and one's own reaction and emotion to it.
by "nakeness" did you mean "nakedness" ?
Personal, bold, well written. -
It is sick, what some perverts get off to...many get away with it, too and it isn't fair...thanks for sharing this with us,m poet...
-
oh god this piece brought me to tears,it was so shockingly sad,I relate,that is why it hit me like it did,so many emotions in this,so much pain,but you took an ugly subject and expressed it very well,i give you props for that it takes a lot of guts...
-
feeling it
~prewrites, come and get them -
wow,
that was excellent.
the flow was great and the descriptions were beautiful -
That was intense, and very good at it's job to make me feeeeel.
Okay, not to nitpick but that is what I am going to do because stuff like this bothers me, lol.
"Shards of glass embedded to deep."
To should be too.
"And I pray to god for ever lasting sleep."
Everlasting should be everlasting.
Oh and I's deserve capitals.
Believe me these are three second fixes that will help me focus. In any case this poem is pretty amazin -
-
ty for the corrections. On the i's, I didnt capitalize them for a reason. This shows less importance. They are only lower cased when she is replying back. If you notice that all the other I's are capitalized. I appreciate your comment.
-
-
Such a very sad and chilling write.
Well Done
-
eeek I am not sure I like this one. However, I must say that it is very well written. Tho violent if I understand it correctly. Whoever, I do like the way you wrote this one too. The way you started each paragraph and answered the question in that paragraph. Very creative and very good write. Thanks for sharing this and thanks for entering it into my contest.
-
WOW.
Is more or less all I have to say.
Thankyou for entering this piece.
~*~DramaQueen469~*~ -
intense
This is very deap. The meanings I get from this are dark but true. Good write with lots of emotions, The Shaker
-
very deep
keep on breathing.
-
awwww this is sad
I really like this
Great Imagery
Great Emotion
Absolutely Great Write!
Three cheers!
Adding your comment:
1 - 30 of 30
