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last time i saw her she didn't know me


i cried over photos

two little girls, ready
for the first day of school

poised and pretty, with
prom dates

bride in antique lace and pearls
bridesmaid,  peacock satin

 

bruised cheek , labor day picnic



saw her walking down I-40 last week
she got in the car, dirty knees splayed

      anything you want, twenty bucks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • My Nemesis
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the silver. This is an awesome poem. The last line just grabs you and knocks you over.


  • poetryality silver member
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This is a stunning image and portrayal of what can be, and no one is exempt! You have used brevity to your advantage with this poem dear poet. Very sad are these visuals, (the end results that is) the sorrows and rejoicings bellow with this work of poetry. Thank you for this entry and I wish you well with this challenge.

    Until we fully realize that the change begins with each individual, there will be very little progress.



    Much Love & Respect ♥

    Renee


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    November 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a powerful piece. There is no romance or beauty to be found in an addiction and this poem is stark and painful.

    Good luck in the contest!


  • DolceVito gold member
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Yep...Stark-naked truth...Very good write.

  • cindyloo
    October 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is powerful. It is powerfully packed with imagery and raw emotion. I especially like how you get the reader to read between the lines and think about it. This is incredible, I wouldn't change a thing.


  • Cat
    October 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    really good.

    m


  • HaleyMary
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, Luna. This is one of the best pieces you've ever written. I bookmarked it. Very powerful imagery in this. It makes me think of how everyone can start off with so much potential in life only to make bad decisions and throw it all away. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.


  • Cup-a-Joe
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Luna,
    This one packs a punch. We often wonder what happened? But no one knowes but the person it happened to.
    Joe


    • Luna Tique Fringe
      October 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks joe

      now, you didn't go and change your avatar for another girl now didja?


      • Cup-a-Joe
        October 21, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I had to go back and change it again.lol The other one didn't show up real good. So this one is for you.
        Joe


  • tara wilson gold member
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is very, very powerful...

    excellent & I could feel her lost dreams in the voice of the last line...


  • Floorboards
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My god, i've got two girls meself, what a terrifying poem, you just never know what's round the corner. Hard hitting and edgy my friend,

    excellent,

    Alex.


    • Luna Tique Fringe
      October 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks Alex

      yep, you never know, one mis-step and the domino effect..the best insurance is to lead by example and let children know they are loved.

      we needs must meet more often m'lord

1 - 19 of 19