Lost in Life

Death
Running through my mind
You keeping me alive
You’re keeping me from taking my life
Yet, your part of the reason why
I was wrong
We went to fast
And now I want to die
I can’t live
Knowing what I did
Knowing how much I lied to everybody
Except you
You’re the only one who knows
At least the full truth
And I hate keeping all this away
I swear it’ll haunt me everyday
Even though I don’t like my church
I repented
It worked for two seconds
But then again became morbid
The pain is unbearable
Running through my mind
I hate it
It screams at me
Telling me what now I see
We really shouldn’t have done that
Especially all while sneaking around
We tried not to make a sound
But we got caught instead
I guess we really didn’t plan ahead
I should have said nervous
Before it got that far
But now I have to pay for it all
I already cut my finger
Making it bleed all over
See
There’s the blood
To the left of the paper
I just wish the pain
Would just fucking taper
I can’t deal
And more and more i want to kill
I want to die
I’ve done so much wrong
But please don’t die yourself
Don’t blame yourself for this
You did nothing that made this bliss i put in upon myself
I lied
Something inside me just died
I don’t know how to get past
I can’t think of a way out
It’s a lose lose situation
There’s no good way out
Help, help, help me please
I can’t tell
They’ll hate me
I’ll lose their trust and they’ll always have a doubt
If I don’t tell
They might find out
Then it’ll be even worse
I’ll have the guilt for a long while
And everything else will just pile
Everything is losing right now
I can’t keep up
I need things back together
But I don’t know how to help things
I already cut once
Now thoughts about death
Just don’t turn this on you
This is not about what you did
It’s about me right now
You’ll get your time somehow
I just don’t want you to die cause of me
That would make me kill myself too
And even though we’d be together
I don’t want things to end like that
You did nothing wrong
You did everything right
You did what I thought I wanted
But it was too much
In the heat of the moment
I should have gone with my side that said no
Then I wouldn’t be in this HUGE hole
I can’t climb out
I don’t know where to go
What to do
Oh there’s a tear
You said you didn’t want to see me cry
Sorry
But you will today
I almost guarantee
But don’t fear
I have some good to say
It was a good feeling
I loved every moment
Especially since it was with my love
But yet somehow I still have a bit of regret
I don’t know
Don’t know what to do
Don’t know what to say
Wow dejavu
Can you do me a favor though?
Can me not make out for a while?
We can still kiss
But no making out
Just for a little
And for a long while
Sadly
We can’t hang out
My parents are suspicious
Just take a little break
Let everything settle
Until I go back to my happy self
I just don’t know when that’ll be
Cause right now I still want to kill
I won’t kill anyone if at all
It would only be me
But still
I think I might make another cut
Because right now I sort of feel like a slut
Seriously
That’s the only thing I know to do
That’s mostly the reason I’m doing it
Because I don’t know what else to do
At least I’m not taking it farther
At lease not yet
But you never know
By the way
This is just letting you know how I feel now
Now back to the break thing
I still want you here
So that’s no fear
But just a little break from too much
Just don’t give me too much attention
I just need some space
To think and such
You can still be near
So you don’t have to fear
But be careful what you do
Or what you say
So this doesn’t come my way
Again
No more of that
I had enough
I had too much
It was scary after it all
I got the talk from your mom
And from mine thing something was going on
Too
I just hope I never have to lose you
Oh look I just cut again
Blood blood I love blood
Now all I need from you
Is a hug
Make it all better
Help me to know it’ll be alright
I don’t know how you can do it tonight
But please please please find a way...