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Living to love you, my dear

As his blood red lips touches my neck
I hear the sorrowful angels singing
only for me

For loosing their one living hope
to lust
to love
to never ending agony

One lonely drop of blood
slides down my throat
running from the uncompassion dark

you had warned me for this
but I am willing to take the risk

because from the day you said you didin't dare to touch me
afraid of tear me assunder

I knewed that my love for you was strong

and that we can only be togheter now and allways
if I became a vampire
too

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Jaffa-
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Some spelling misakes maybe?
    touches =touch or touched?
    uncompassion= uncompassionate?
    you had warned me for=you had warned me of?
    didn't dare touch me= wouldn't dare touch me?
    knewed=knew?
    can only be together=could only be together?
    togheter=together?

    I really hate doing that and especially to such an outstanding poem but i think that those changes could really make it somthing really special and everyone makes spelling mistakes


  • Mgreen
    October 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love vampires! I love this poem i can see the single drop of blood running down her throat. The first stanza is my fav, the last one I think is missing a line, or a line could be cut to make it more powerful. I'm not sure what it needs, maybe more bluntness.