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Ghost of Evil

I am a thief by trade;
Rape is a hobby,
and killing is a habit.
I usher others to death,
but today was my day;
Now death greets me warm
In this world of gray.

I am a wraith, searching hopelessly;
I have but one wish, to touch the flesh
Caress it with a blade,
to stab at and rob
my victim of his life, his possessions, his strife
then make off like the thief I was meant to be. . .





But there was an old man.
He was feisty, and more full of life than I, it seems.
Ironically, it's funny, he stabbed me to death, you see




Now the horrid Christ has damned me to wander,
a ghost intangible, but never seen
I float over the earth in invisible form,
Even lacking Damnation's flame to keep me warm;

Shivers ceaselessly slither up my echoed spine
I am in hell in a world that doesn't exist,
Alone, with temptation I can't resist---
I will never feel...


Author notes

24 lines long.

Inspiration/notes/etc.:

How can I be lost,
If I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

~Unforgiven III by Metallica~

I took these lyrics is a somewhat different direction. I thought to myself: "These lyrics have always sounded really lonely to me. Like a ghost, almost." So that's what I did, I transformed the speaker into a ghost. The cold thing followed suit with being a ghost, but the gold thing was a little harder to do: So I made the speaker a thief. At that point it was just a matter of twisting it to make it a little darker, but I think I accomplished that, for the most part.

I think my ending was kind of weak, and I guess it has weak point throughout, but I'm actually somewhat pleased with the final product.

I also referenced another Metallica song, "Fade to Black," with the "death greets me warm" line.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Bosiarbooger gold member
    October 25, 2008

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    great job

    wonderful take on the lyrics truely a fantastic poem not just dark but black! congrats on your gold it is well deserved, Boog


  • LadyDementia gold member
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, wicked write! Love the direction you took it in, some awesome imagery portrayed. Deeply dark and disturbing, a delight to read, good luck


    • Methusala
      October 23, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks! and for the applause as well! I didn't know if my imagery was good enough, stark enough, but I'm glad to see you enjoyed it, so that must mean I must have done something right lol.


      • LadyDementia gold member
        October 24, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I think you did more than something right Tis a wicked piece! You did a fab job


  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely love this piece. I love the direction that you went with it and the inspiration that you got from your prompt. BRAVO!

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**

1 - 6 of 6