Swallowed
By tattered folds
The shade of eroded chalk boards
Billowed with our limbs
The haggard, peach orb
Jammed with dimples and windows
Loomed with giant eye
A fracture veining the atmosphere
Swelling closer
Dividing, unfurling the room
Between my thumb and finger
(I was jailed in a stark yearning.
The familiar flick of the lighter
Could never flee
From me.)
There was horror without you
A chill in my feet
Haunts absorbing my lungs
A fiendish cry rattling my chest
Moon cracks in my torso
The dark waltzed like black widows
Swallowed
By the rust in your words:
Flightless desires
But how could you stand,
Pressed to my lips, without moving?
My arms, my body, my core
Drew the first assault
Pulling, tugging you in
My throat engulfed your flame
Author notes
Moment: The other night. While watching Secret Window and The Corpse Bride we took smoke breaks out on his balcony. The moon was orange and enormous like in NBC when Jack stood on the hill with the colossal moon behind him. I swear I could touch it.
Object: The "you" doesn't refer to my friend (my gay husband) but the cigarettes consumed. I love my smokie-okies.
I hope this was okay for your contest. I'll try to enter some other stuff too... maybe some prewrites (I can enter more than once, right?)
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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this is stunning. you've collected a moment and made it beautiful. Like your aim, to find beauty in an imperfect world.
you make smoking look so glamourous...you're the original movie star. But any way...
your writing is so Tim Burtonesque at times. I can see your words.
Well done. This is stunning. Like a rainbow.
you should write about a rainbow, with your insane use of colours and talent
Ich liebe dich
(that's German
)
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Wow, I am not even a smoker, but shit you just might of converted me into one.
The way you describe a cigarette is amazing and vivid, especially in these line(s):
"Swallowed
By the rust in your words:
Flightless desires
But how could you stand,
Pressed to my lips, without moving?
My arms, my body, my core
Drew the first assault
Pulling, tugging you in
My throat engulfed your flame"
The last line was perfect. Nice job.
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I like that "jailed in stark yearning"
and also "my throat engulfed your flame." Gives the feel of a blow job.
I love it when the moon does that.
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deep throat. haha I didn't think about that when I wrote it but I see it now. haha
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I swear your the only girl I know who can turn ciggs into a poetry written masterpiece.
It made me smile. After reading what this poem was about I realized the descriptions you used for everything and it just amazed me.
Yeah you can enter more than one.
Thanks for entering babes I loved it!
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I am guessing this is the third optiin, this is a wonderful poem full of imagery and imagination, unflrtunately it is over 40 words.
It would be wonderful if you entered again(you can enter as many times as you'd like) Please enter a different poem for one of the other challenges or one under 40 words for this one.
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