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Shifting

Missing image

It wasn’t something
she’d let herself do before;
be kissed by a complete stranger.

But the overwhelming
sense of wrong made it so
damn
right.


Pulsating buds; pursed flesh
soothing sensual aches,

shifting

closer to places
a stranger shouldn’t know.


Shifting closer to a gasp of
colourless air...

Author notes

I couldn't get much from the other two images so I hope this is ok. It seemed quite a sensual image so I played on that sensuality.


image credit: up look by indi1288

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Nangaleema
    February 25, 2009

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    "Shifting closer to a gasp of
    colourless air..."

    wow! that ending is stellar! - Mary Jo


  • Ez Writer silver member
    January 21, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    A breathtaking poem ! Brilliantly penned !
    Congratulations on your bronze !!
    Best wishes ! Easy


  • usefuldistraction
    November 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Better than OK, you are skilled with your approach to sensuality. Less is always more in regard to human sexuality. One must engage the mind to be effective. Your close here, allows the reader to feel the expansivness of, the should I say, illicit possibilities, the writer enjoyed! Enjoyed this a great deal.


  • Mozaic
    November 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    It's a good start...

    Especially when faced with the unexpected. I would try and stay away from the most obvious expressions when describing an action out of character, but rather focus on the 'in betweens' of the moment to help leave the reader's mind to work harder at an interpretation.
    'Shifting closer to a gasp of colourless air'...depends where you're going with this. I would have delved towards something tangible of 'polluted air' to help tie in your opening statement of something she has never done before...


    • silverscent gold member
      November 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment, however, I don't like to play hard to get. SImple and easy to read is what I aim for, whether that's use of "obvious expressions" or not is up to the reader.


  • Sandra R Reynolds gold member
    November 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent write. congratulations on bronze.


  • CaliOkie silver member
    October 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Breathless and sensual. A perfect response to the picture. I'm glad you chose not to try to explain or rationalize the behavior written -- sometimes it is better to keep things mysterious. I like that.

    Garrison


  • Ravynna
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow....

    I thought that it was really deep...it explored emotions like uncertainty and fear. Thanks for putting this up, I really enjoyed it!!!


  • Randomly Beautiful
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your three choices are:

    1. http://michilauke.deviantart.com/art/Idyllic-Bridge-infrared-60198422

    2. http://indi1288.deviantart.com/art/up-look-73255383

    3. http://mscrys.deviantart.com/art/Timeless-Love-65300720



    Please choose one and go with it.

1 - 9 of 9