You deserve better

I was not good enough for you,
You were just too good for me,
I’ll let you walk away,
And I’ll pretend I’m okay,
I’ll let you forget,
And let you move on,
You deserve better,
Much better than me,
You live in ignorance,
And I’ll hide behind the shadow of my emotions,
You heal your pain,
I’ll stay and watch over my broken heart,
You hand yours out to another,
While I keep mine locked away,
I want you to be happy,
I just wanted you to be happy with me,
You don’t have to care,
I’ll pretend that I don’t,
You breathe in the morning air,
While I don’t bother to leave my bed anymore,
You think of how to pick up your next chick,
While my mind shuts off except to memories of you,
You speak no more of the one you once loved,
While I can not bare the mention of your name,
You tell her you love her,
While I will never be able to love again,
You speak more lies and talk of false loves,
While I alone know the truth,
You choose to believe we were a lie,
While I know we were different,
You say you will find another girl,
I know I will never find another guy like you,
You know someone else will love you one day,
I know they will never love you like I did,
You tell me of how lonely you are now and say how sad it is that no one loves you,
But I’m right here and I have loved you from the start,
You be blind to me forever,
But my eyes see how you suffer inside,
You blame it all on me tell me it’s my fault that I fooled you into loving me,
But I know you loved me of your own accord and I know you know it too,
You take a deep breath and act all cool,
While I can’t fit in because when you left me I lost all common-sense,
You function perfectly without my help,
But you left me dysfunctional without you by my side,
You cry in the shower,
While I shower in the dark because I can’t bare to see myself,
You shed a tear or two,
While the tears flow down my face and more fall than even the water around me,
You won’t care,
But I can’t not care,
The days feel empty and the nights feel cold,
Without you for me to hold,
In the dark I sob in my sleep,
You sleep soundly with only works of art that are your dreams,
I did not deserve you,
I did not deserve you,
I did not deserve you,
But we are both kidding ourselves,
Because after all my pain,
After all my suffering,
And my wasted love,
I realize, It was never that I didn’t deserve you….
You never,
Not from the beginning,
You never deserved me,
You never deserved my love,
But I will always love you…
Not because you deserve me,
But because you don’t have to,
Because I love you flaws and all,
That is something no other girl will ever do,
I will never let go of my love for you,
Because I,
Am not ignorant, deaf, dumb, blind or faking,
My love is sincere,
So I will wait,
No matter how long it takes,
I will wait for you to wake up and see,
Just how bloody much you mean to me,
And if you don’t,
One day you will get up,
You will start your day,
You will look for me,
And you will find that I have already gone,
And you will feel that you are alone,
Because maybe by that day,
I will have already given my love away,
So please wake up soon because you don’t deserve my love,
But I love you anyway….


By Errin Hellingrath