Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

The Game

Missing image

 

 

 

 

 

he was once

a charmer when

he was young

 

 

 

 

he still calls

all the shots

while he pours
himself a few

 

 

 

 

females know
he will give
anything for

 

 

 

 

a night
a day
an hour

 

 

 

 

while

he

pours
another

and
another

 

 

 

 

one for him
and
one for her

 

 

 

 

another for him
and
he takes her

 

 

 

 

then
empties
his
wallet

 

 

 

 

before she

runs home
to mother

 

 

 

 

checkmate

 

 

 

 

he pours

himself

another

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

70 Words


Habit with him was all the test of truth;
"It must be right, I've done it from my youth."
~ G. Crabbe, The Borough


"Ill habits gather by unseen degrees,
As brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas."
~Ovid - Metamorphoses

 

 

 

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • poetryality silver member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the picture of reality you've painted for the reader here poet. My only gripe; repetition.

    For instance;

    "he was once
    a charmer when
    he was young

    he still calls
    all the shots

    while he pours
    himself a few"

    Maybe this would read smmother if some of the filler words were removed;

    "he was once
    a charmer
    in youthful days or in his youth

    stll calls
    all the shots

    while pouring
    himself a few"

    Minor editing is all because the poetry is sound and filled with emotions. The story is skillfully written with a biting edge. Thank you for leaving this poem so that I could apply my comment. I apologize for such a long delay in getting back.


    MUCH LOVE &hearst;

    Renee


  • princehusayn
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    powerful clear excellent write

    Who cannot read this and see to great or less degree our ownself male or female especially in this day and time of temporary fixes from bad credit to sex. I Gathered the flow I rode on this wave and I got this message a good message to pass on maybe someone will curb maybe some soul will consider maybe some growth will be acheived.In my most humble opinion there were no awkward areas it was a clear message definitive and descriptive. This poem though vast needs nothing. Thank you for sharing that namaste.

  • NomDePlume silver member
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I like the openness

    And the flow. Piece by piece. I have seen this over and over in life. So sad, but true. Thank You!


    • Cynthia Gaines gold member
      October 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for the kudos!!!

      Yes, it is sad but true, I too have seen this game all my life - it must be that ancient code of the "eternal tapestry" of manhood... Thanks for droppin' in to visit!! Peace, Cyn

  • SoulWhispher
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well Done, this is a classic on addiction, you have really outdone yourself here, the picture really went with the poem, I really enjoyed this, blessings with peace John


  • Topaze
    October 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very well done a fine write, the pic was outstanding. Best of luck to you.


  • arafura gold member
    October 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You hit the nail on the head again! Perfect!


  • My Nemesis
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good. I like the sense of desperation that runs through the poem.

    Best of luck in the contest.

1 - 11 of 11