Perched on blooming branch of Cherry Blossom,
birds sings thier melodious song.
Cherry petals gracefully sway
by gentle caress of spring breeze,
spreading cries of joy across void of silence
They beautifully adorned the windows of my eyes,
as the fleeting image of grandmas lullaby echoed
from the blossoming flowers in the garden,
into the fresh breath of green grasses
and the caressing sunshine of which she dearly loved
The mirror of her memory will always be coloured
with spring sunshine and cultured daffodils
with the delightful dance of a spring breeze,
at the blue ballet of the alluring skies
On the freshly mown grasses
and gentle whispers from the ocean,
reminds me she is always here with me
Desire to fly and return to my childhood
where I hold everything in my arms
listens to grandmas bedtime stories
brings back poignant memories
and thick layers of her affection
a nostalgic feeling every now and then
Delight of innocence will always be with me
and her scent shall always lingers
when Spring comes and flowers bloom
Author notes
prompt ~ Homesick
A contest entry
- Seven Years on Allpoetry by catz.
900 points, ended October 23, 2008, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - take me back by Lavender Butterfly.
550 points, ended October 30, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Convert your Bronze to Gold by BearWoman.
1500 points, ended June 24, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Enjoyed the imagery of this piece, and the feelings within it as well. I particularly liked Stanza 2, and “thick layers of her affection”
A few possible tweaks:
Title “Lingers” -> Linger
S1L2 (Stanza 1, Line 2) “thier”-> their
S1L5 end with a period (for punctuation consistency)
S2L2 “grandmas” -> grandma’s
There are other areas that could be looked at as well (for punctuation).
I enjoyed this piece. Thank you for your entry.
-
So beautifully captivating and sincere. A precious write laden with sentiment and emotion... x
-
Hmm, honestly, a bit wordy, unless you consider this 'prose.' Otherwise, I'd whittle it some, boil it down until all the dross is gone, leaving only a pure, pensive penning.
Sincerely,
mj.
-
This is so beautiful, a deeply felt poem with strong images.
Thank you for entering it
Dee
-
"The mirror of her memory will always be coloured with spring sunshine and cultured daffodils"
What a marvelous line!
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
