Young Bob liked to torture his school chums
And would often roast cats on a spit
His Mother Irene
Was plain wicked and mean
And tended to smell just a bit
Dad was very well known by the locals
And a right piece of work to be sure
He was known as Mad Joe
And not nice to know
Coz he nailed cousin Mel to a door
Their daughter Strange Kate ( it was rumored )
Was imprisoned, just under the stairs
She was prone to attack
When Dad turned his back
And her face was all covered in hairs
In this air of slight family dysfunction
Big Aunt Pru entertained her young men
And the house population
Grew like Waterloo Station
When the boys flocked to Auntie Pru’s den
And her nephew, (whose questionable gender)
But quite in touch with his feminine side
Would often perform
And was often the norm
To pole dance and dress up as a bride
His friends would all gather at weekends
To bump and to grind through the night
There’d be pushers and thieves
With tricks up their sleeves
And the girls would all spoil for a fight
Just next door, lived the OTHER relations
Cousin Jed, Auntie Rose and Bad Bill
They had nothing to say
For some years and a day
But one night, they had some time to fill ...
Whilst their kith and their kin were all sleeping
Cousin Jed, Auntie Rose, and Bad Bill
Had quickly popped-in
High on cocaine and gin
With a shiny new chainsaw and drill
They’d hatched a great plan for their loved ones
"Screw every last one to their beds"
And then Jed, Rose and Bill
With their chainsaw and drill
Proceeded to take-off their heads ...
*****
A contest entry
- Random, Weird, and Hilarious Contest by writeroftoast.
900 points, ended November 26, 2008, 42 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - background's and poems prewrites only by serenity silvermoon.
400 points, ended December 20, 2008, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - absolutly anything! by nobodys-girl.
527 points, ended December 29, 2008, 81 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - a prewritten contest for everyone by serenity silvermoon.
400 points, ended March 1, 148 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Limerick me! (#3) Limerick Chain (3-5 Stanzas) by BearWoman.
700 points, ended April 3, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE... maybe rounds I'll see what i get!!! by Unbreakable3.
900 points, ended July 30, 223 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRWRITE CONTEST FOR ALL by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended August 2, 1023 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites, Im crazy. by Menna.
1100 points, ended August 30, 264 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mysterious, Intriguing, Something With A Twist by My Chronos.
1600 points, ended September 10, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want funny poems!!!!!!! by Sheilasbabygal4life.
400 points, ended October 21, 113 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wacky Poetry Contest by Florida Sunshine.
700 points, ended November 4, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Laugh My Socks Off! by LonelyAngel.
900 points, ended November 7, 115 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Dark Humour certainly, and I liked your limerick style of writing.
Your capacity to carry the rhyme and idea for a long poem was really nice to read. I'm usually stuck doing shorter poems, more in sonnet style and unfortunately my funny bone is rather limp. So i'm stuck doing emotional philosophical crap.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Much Love
VidZ -
Since you seem to be a serial contest enterer, how have you missed out on mine? I feel slighted! I see you come from Rainham in Essex. I have written a poem about Southend-on-Sea which will bring a tear to your eye.
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hilariously funny, the family and relations from hell I really enjoyed it, though I would'nt want them as neighbours, Great stuff and pen on up that road.
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You had a awsome flow too this one. Very amazing imaganary as well. Funny as heck. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in the contest.
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wow this is an incredible piece very imaginative and full of wonder and excitement!!! I really enjoyed reading this!!! Your words so well written and portrayed!!!! This is a very captivating and vivid piece!!! You are such a wonderful writer this was super thrilling!!! I loved it!!! Well done!!!!
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Oh my goodness...love it! It was thrilling, wonderful rhyming and kept you wanting to read more. Thanks so much for entering the contest.
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lmao this is completely and utterly excellent you rock big time
thanks so much
T btw i love the quangl wangle tree by edward lear
nice to meet you
T
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Oh wow, it was such a good for a theme that's so peculiar, so insane and just perfectly witty at its own; the lines just carried such intrigue and releases humor and maybe dark imagination that the reader wouldn't mind to delve in.
Not much to say other that I wish I could pull off something so wonderful like this ~
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HAHAHAHA! A dark, creepy, yet humor-filled write. The rhyme and rhythm were flawless only lending to the wonder of this poem. I loved the vivid imagery. Like a dark, twisted version of a couple poems I wrote a long time ago about putting my life up for sale lol. This shoulda got gold in each conetst it was entered in! Congrats on the one you received and Good luck on the one that's left!
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Please do not feel that it is anything personal
But my lawyer will be calling on you
The charge will be publishing defamatory remarks concerning my family Dad Never nailed Cousin Mel to the door.That was Uncle Gladys.
So pleased to see that you were released from the asylum a week after me
A joy to read and just my cup of tea
Excellent
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This is really weird... I love it inthe sense that it totally creeps me out! Thank you very much!!! I laughed trhough this!
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This was great fun!
I, too, like your style. I am making you a Favorite of mine.
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The content was Wicked!
I love your style, the rhythm is what gets me!
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[EDIT]
A wooden leg belonged to Aunt Ruby
was kept in a corner up-right
she once played in a band
with her leg in her hand
the towns folk applauded all night
I love Limmericks. That was fun. Thanks!
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Ah..somehow it is a ccurious in tone and very eager in subject to describe..yet it makes a wonderful impact in itself..love the way you made it..many thanks for sharing...
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Darkly sick and twisted
Okay... starting out dark and twisted, then: "With a shiny new chainsaw and drill" and "To "screw EVERY LAST ONE to their beds" Aargh! And I just cannot *look* at that "horror-ble" ending! Gag!
Definitely a memorable poem with good flow that keeps the reader focused on the story rather than on the writing. The title is perfect!
This is just sick!
(I think..., lol! Am I allowed to laugh at such things?)
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This poem was great. I loved your use of rhyme and it had a nice flow. I look foward to reading more of your work.
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Very Funny! I think I know these people too! Great rythem and rhyme. Very creative!!
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wonderfully written love the part....And her nephew, (whose questionable gender)
But SO in touch with his feminine side
Would often perform
And was often the norm
To pole dance and dress up as a bride..
what an interesting story keep it up...
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Definitely sounds like one of the older nursery rhymes! And I agree with nobodys-girl...it makes me feel much better about my dysfunctional family!
It also reminds me of a book called "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever", which stars a dysfunctional group of bully siblings. Written in the seventies I believe
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wow...this actually made me feel a lot better, makes my family seem normal! thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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I can see why this took gold in a "random, weird, and hilarious contest" as this had heaping portions of all three.
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It's like Shel Silverstein mixed with Stephen King... amazing rhyme, even better story in itself. I absolutely loved it. Good luck in the contest.
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Ah - so you evidently have quite a skill for writing limerick type poetry, with a dark sort of Grimm's feel. This one is very good too! Another grin from me & more applause for you!
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If you changed some of the names, I think these people lived across the street from me a few years ago. When they finally abandoned the house it was so disgusting it had to be torn down...memories.
thanks for a laugh out loud
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omg that is awsome! i love it, it draws you in in a funny twisted way and as said previously, it is like a twisted nursery rhyme, good luck with the contest its a winner
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That was kick a$$!!! I loved that!! I agree, it sounds like a twisted nursery rhyme. It was awsome!! I love how you paired it with such a sweet background too. Adds to the irony. That was awsome! Truley awsome! Great write!
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I love this poem, it sounds like some sort of twisted nursery rhyme or something to jump rope to. I love all the characters and how you made their demise seem so matter-of-fact. Made me smile, thanks!
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my, my, weren't they the gruesome twosome? lol, perfect for the halloween creepies!
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That was very well written, very dark, which makes it good!
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Wonderfully gross. In an earlier time it would be the stuff of fiction, but nowadays nothing surprises me.
Well-written and macabe.
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This is great! It is pretty dark, but the darker the better!
The whoe thing was great, keep it up!
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Wow.
O.O
Umm.
Wow.
That was so very disturbing. It felt indeed like a old nursery rhyme, and you did wonderfully.
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