I'll remember everything.
Yellow, your favourite colour,
The fact that you never ate anything green,
Your weird way of saying things,
Your inability to spell....
--x--
I don't know what to say...
Too, too fast, it's taking you away.
In and out of hospital, whilst I try to be normal,
Writing poetry to help myself deal.
The hero in all this is my little sis'.
What she does for you, what she does for me!
Age of nine, and she holds the thread connecting us.
I live for her.
You live for her....
And soon, you'll die for her,
You'll say Goodbye to me.
And She will be mine.
Mum, I love you.
We never had the best relationship..
We never had the money, the stuff we watched others have.
I can't do what the others do!
Can't hold you, can't cry in front of you.
But I can love you.
I can love you from work.
I can love you from here.
Whilst I take the cowards way out....
And hide.
[In a corner, somewhere.]
What can I do but work?
Organize?
Pretend to be strong whilst I fall apart inside?
I can run,
I can drink coffee,
I can act grown up.
But life's not a game anymore.
I can't pretend.
And facing you is so hard....
The truth is I'm scared.
(Oh, here they come...
Those tears I didn't wanna see!!
The doors that are open now...)
I'm scared.
I don't want to be a bad parent.
I don't want her turning out like Me!
(The very thing she wants to be!)
There's so much stuff I don't want her to know,
To see, To do.
Tell me,
How do I protect her from Everything???
Mum?
Don't leave me yet.
I know I'll never give this to you...
I need to let you go,
Let you go knowing she'll be safe.
She'll be loved.
I know she was everything to you.
Your prized possession-
Your little one.
Oh, I don't doubt that you loved us...
All six of us (Still alive...)
Dispersed, as we were
Over the country.
But why did you never say it??
You are the glue,
Holding everything and everyone together...
Everyone came, comes to you.
I don't want to say Goodbye!
I'm still too young to lose my Mum!
Sorry if I can't tell you to your face.
Sorry if I'm too much of a coward to face you.
I love you.
Always will.
I'm Sorry if I ever made you doubt that.
--x--
And, yes.
Your funeral will be exactly as you wanted it.
Just as you told me,
With the pink and yellow balloons,
With 'those' songs,
With the right clothes.
Your ashes will be scattered with the outgoing tide...
(Somehow I will keep my mind...)
I'll find the money...
It'll be the last thing I can ever do for you.)
Author notes
(Unfortunately- this is fact...right down to the last letter, and I only wrote it cos my friend Kaz said it'd be good for me! Yeah, you bag!)
And that picture is My Mum with my nephew.
Update- 18-2-10
She went into remission about a year ago, but recently, like less than two weeks ago, it came back with a vengeance... Only this time 'they' don't think she'll make it...
Somehow these things seem to hurt more the second time around...
In a list
- 'They share your blood, but do they share your heart??' • next in list
- Favorites by Favorites • next in list
A contest entry
- If you were to die by Starz of Heaven.
625 points, ended October 25, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GoodBye Says It All ! by Georgia.Butterfly.
500 points, ended November 9, 2008, 26 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cancer Victims and Family Members by StickyNote5.
900 points, ended April 12, 2009, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you believe this??
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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I recognise a lot of what you say in this write, I never seemed to have the love from my mum that I wanted, yet I adored her.
Our family is completely fragmented now. I swore that I would do better with my children,and I did (Ithought) but that is fragmented too now.
I have 3 children, the child which I cuddled and said "I love you" to the least (not because I didnt want to) she was less approachable for some reason...My other two children have fallen out with me, they say I favour her...its ironic.
What I am trying to say is...I understand the agonising points you make, from both sides of the coin. I don't know if you have showed her this poem, or written another to tell her but I know she would love it and it would be good for you too.If your mum dies, it will be too late...my advice, say it now. I do know that I love all my children, it may be easier to show it to some more than others.
Like you, when I am hurt, I hide away....then I am hurting more when they do not seek me out to find out why (LOL) The more I hurt..the further I hide, tearing myself apart in the process, afraid of the depth of my own emotions which is so strong that I cannot understand why they cant see or feel it.
For your own sake, even if you dont get the response you hope for, tell your mum how you feel..dead is forever and if you dont say it you will feel the pain of that forever. Believe me, things get even tougher as you get older..regrets get harder to bare.
You have the ability to emotionally touch people with your words in written form..use it to your advantage for once, for yourself.
Thankyou for sharing this write, as a mum (and a daughter) it has helped me to see both sides. Lots of love and luck..........x
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Thank you...
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Very sad
and too often we find ourselves doing things to keep our minds off our loved ones, but it doesn't really help now does it? Wonderful piece to say the least. I am in true tears right now.
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This is more than sad. Not because of the outcome, but because there is so much said,yet never said.I can not ever imagine not telling those i love, just how much i do.
My father was a bit like that I can never recall him ever mentioning he loved us.
It was only when i went though his things, after death that i saw all the little things he had kept from our childhood
So sad he never told us while alive.
Please please never let this happen to you,Open you heart and mouth and tell those you love.That you do
Excellent write if somewhat sad
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This is GOLD
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This was great. It wasn't really what I was looking for tho. Il have to re-read it
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Originality: (10/10)
Emotion: (10/10)
Poetic devices: (14/20)
Structure/flow: (7/10)
Cohension: (8/10)
Title relating to poem: (9/10)
Personal opinion: (9/10)
Syntax: (7/10)
Diction: (7/10)
ttal:81/100
This was amazingly heartwretching whenever smething is written straight from the heart it usually is, I hope you are doing well and know how strong you are.
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fantastic! i'm not sure where you thought you were going when you told me that you didn't think you could write so honest and forward, but this poem left nearly every emotion sitting there on the page, open for all to see! you did a fabulous job here and yes, i can see where that hit a little close to home... i'm sorry you ever had (have?) to go through this, and i honestly wish you the best of luck with this!
PS your sister is lucky to have someone like you. don't be so down on yourself!!!
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this is a very good and deep piece...vry emotional and sought of a confession..I really love the way u say things to ur mon in this...again cool work
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As I said before this is a FAB write and truly grabbed my heart and my eyes lol x goodluck in my first contest hun
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I can tell this is right from the heart and very full of emotion. It is always hard to deal with any sort of death especially a parent but I know it is not easy and I commend you on using writing to help you deal. It can be a very good outlet if we let it.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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Wow
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This is absolutely beautiful, I love it, it almost brought me to tears. You are a very talented writer and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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This has me literally in tears, I can only tell you that the feeling of loosing a loved one is deep and hard to bear but we live through it we become what our loved ones want us to become we love them as they loved us and let go of what we could have done. we live and live for someone while we find ourself again, i feel you are strong enough to do this
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this is amazingly beautifull, very sad and very personal, thankyou for sharing.
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I can only say that I'll pray for you and that I believe you'll get through it. I understand how hard it can be to face a loved one who's dying, wanting them to know how you feel, but not being able to tell them, so writing it down instead. :hug:
May God guide you through this difficult time.
~.~Yvonne~.~
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Oh wow this is so sad..
Saying goodbye is the hardest thing ever to do.
especially when it is a loved one.
And when you are so young you don't know exactly how to deal with it. This has touched my heart and made me shed a tear!
Sorry for your loss.
You and you sister are watched over everyday by angels ! God bless!
Thank you for entering sweetie. Good luck.
-Mandi
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i dont quite know what to say to this
i see the pain in your eyes
i never thought you would write though
im still here (even though my grammar sucks)
ovelay ouyay -
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Ovelay Ouyay ootay...
Ehmay!! Read Remember next.
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very emotional. very nicely written.. its too hard to let go of anyone, no matter their age or health. its just too hard to let go... again nice written
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oh honey I am truly sorry for your pain, and your sister has an incredible amazing mature sister.
I have an idea for the contest, I remember a time when I felt the same.
as a Mom you don't have to say a word, a Mom always knows and a Mom loves through everything.
you are a truly brave and a special young lady.
a perfect daughter with an amazing heart.
love and blessing....
Kathy
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This was heartbreaking; I am so sorry that you lost your mother, and your sister did also, at such a young age. As Starz of Heaven said, you sound like such strong people - I can't even begin to imagine the pain and loss that you have lived through.
The lines of crying from work but not in front of your mother struck me particularly, because they summed up how so many would feel I think - and it must have been a struggle to hold it all in whilst around her. Like also the way everything here is yellow; usually I dislike bright, gaudy coloured pages - but this relates to your Momma so much, that - well, overall, such a beautiful dedication of love, she sounds like an amazing woman.
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This has broken my heart so much but I knew that it would I feel the love you have for your mom and your sister and things will be ok you are strong you have people that are here for you and care thanks for your entry be well
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Wow. I absolutly loved. THe content and flow was great. The emotion I felt While reading was fantastic. Bravo. Great job. worth more than 5 stars by far. Writing poetry also helps me get over things that have happened
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wow this is amazing. loved the first stanza, about how you wouldnt forget her favorite and least favorite things. all in all, im glad you wrote it.
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Thank you for taking the time to read it, it means alot to me...
(As you can tell!)
Now, I go read one of yours!
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wow, this really wants to make me cry, and you should know me be now. You should give this to your mum, maybe even read it, or get someone to read it at her funeral, that's what i did when my grandad died.
I cant belive you are having to go through this, your right, you are to young.
*Hugs*
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Wow, this is wonderful! I really love this. Makes me want to cry and entrances the reader all the way through? Is your Mum really dying? Toya, that is awful! This is a beautiful write full of genuine emotion. Thanks for sharing.
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awww no joke I am actually crying!!! Wowee huni, you struck a chord there and I am so glad that you entered this poem and made yourself write this. SO FRIGGIN PROUD OF YA!!
by the way i think you should give this to your mum when things get harsh, let her know babes!! x
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