disappointed contemplation of alco-hole placation
the slipping-sliding voice of reason -- words on ice:
ungraspable, temporal, meaningless.
hot regret painting my skin
as I watch the heart-of-my-heart
strain at the shock-collar of collective consciousness
while I float peaceable and free,
foam upon the cosmic sea.
he can feel the spray,
but he's lost in the fog of common consent,
our lone contrary signals
overwhelmed.
soaring down,
shedding id and ego,
an act of societal patricide --
my burnt offering to the Metaprogrammer.
without hitch nor hindrance,
no obstacle bars my perception now:
panoramic awareness of the boundless
blackness of possibility,
Indra's diamond net spreads out before me,
cascading overhead,
I watch data flow in slipstream flux
infinitely,
from glittering particle
to shining quark,
and I wondered what
the particles were made of.
then Indra winked,
and the crystals unfurled,
spinning into spiral libraries,
and like divine epiphany, I understood --
each particle transmits, always,
to every other particle,
the very data which itself consists of.
every part of every atom
continually faxing every part of every other atom
its vital statistics,
who and what and where and when.
I became then like a cresting wave, arising
from an ocean of
sub-microscopic information-brokers,
a sea of infinite potential without form,
cresting into ever-higher coherency and logic,
then, touched by entropy,
collapsing with grateful sigh
back into the abyss...
... only to rise up again somewhere else.
Shiva blinked his third eye,
and I re-structed
where I had started,
yet still,
I feel myself
rolling toward some quantum shore.
A contest entry
- Verbal Vaults and Visual Votives aka Word Bank & Pic Prompts, Multiple Choices by lunarlunacy.
614 points, ended October 22, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GO CRAZY by pumpykin.
700 points, ended October 27, 2008, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Journeys of the mind, the transformation by Dark Otter.
530 points, ended November 3, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ode To The Twilight Zone by skilter.
775 points, ended November 15, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Philosophical ideas! by Systems Malfunction.
600 points, ended December 13, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In search.... by Black Rayne.
700 points, ended November 27, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of the best... by Jfd.
1500 points, ended February 3, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of the Best by Desdmona.
1400 points, ended April 1, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Wow! This is very very good. I enjoyed the scientific parts of it, the metaphores, the references, the diction. This was well done. The only thing I would have to say is the structure could have been revised and help bring attention to certian part of the poem. But overall, good job and good luck! ~Des
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intelligent and very well written, I found it a bit wordy but it held my attention through out, nice job, thank you for taking the time to enter!
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I think you're one of the very rare poets I've read who can incorporate science into poetry and not make it too inaccessible. Yeah haha, but I think one probably need to have a little background knowledge on the things you write about- I understand cosmology, quantum physics, entropy (back from high school chemistry
)... and this is a great write.
I see psychoanalysis in there too- haha.
Can you be my internet brother?
(I think I can learn a lot from you haha )
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Is it really rare? I guess it's because science comes naturally to me. It's not "forced" or "deliberate" or consciously done, so it flows out much more easily. That surprises me. I would think poets, with their observant nature, would be more scientific. Oh well. Too many people misunderstand science anyway.
If you like. No one's ever been interested before.
But it's certainly true that I've got a lot of data lugging around in my skull.
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Very well expressed, you word play is exceptional. A superbly penned write, as your attire shows. All the best in the contest with it
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well done!
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This is fantastic, thank you so much and good luck
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great flow, very cool write here. thank you for adding to the contest.
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Deep and creative
There is an old saying by a Chinese philosopher that good philosophy does not make for good poetry and that good poetry does not make for good philosophy. You came close to proving him wrong. There is some good poetry contained in your abstract ideas that speaks of thought out metaphysical ideas.
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WoW! Fantabulous!
I felt as if I was on a spiritual journey to eternity and back again. This was excellent in metaphor and visuals. You have a very analytical mind and a driving spirit to match.
Since you asked for constructive criticism, I would only do one thing to improve this masterpiece; unless your line return was for pause purposes in your writing, I would make the line length more even, starting each line with noun or pronoun.
Other than that it read well silently in my mind and aloud, as I could see/hear this one in a Poetry Slam, read with all the drama of exhaultation that I believe it was written with.
As an intellectual myself, your vocabulary was exquisite. Thank you for this well written read. Write On!
Blessed Be~
)O(
DragonBlue
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When I do pure free-verse like this I tend to insert line breaks wherever creative instinct prompts me to, wherever it "feels right". I can't explain precisely why I feel like it works best with those line breaks where they are, but some part of me intent upon maximizing impact, isolating images for reader focus, and the like does that sort of thing and doesn't explain its reasoning to me. Thank you!
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Wow
This is EXACTLY the kinda stuff I like to read The use of vocabulary and the way everything is worded is very impressive, and although it's very chaotic and all over the place it's so thought-provoking and truely profound. Thanks for submitting
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why does Alex Grey come into my sleepy mind upon reading this exquistite penning. Thank you for sharing this, and reminding of such things as Grey, Chaos Theory, and lovely Mrs Elliss Dee.
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Bell's Theorem FTW. Man, was that ever some good LSD. You know you're tripping when the quantum structure of the universe reveals itself to you. I have a strong feeling that if I could get this idea to an actual quantum physicist, it might go somewhere.
I mean, Jesus, this poem is an artistic translation of what amounts to a scientific explanation of reincarnation and the answer to the question of what a quark is made of. The quantum foam/sea is already an established qp idea, too...
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