I first saw you at a table, shaded by a white umbrella,
and fearless of what you might think, I walked up to you and smiled.
I arrived before noon, a little early for the afternoon jazz concert,
There was a flutter of music, a gentle riff, woodwinds and brass.
And fearless of what you might think, I walked up to you and smiled.
You nodded when I asked if I might join you, and then you spoke.
There was a flutter of music, a gentle riff, woodwinds and brass
Had the musicians taken their places? I didn’t notice, did you?
You nodded when I asked if I might join you, and then you spoke.
I am not sure what you heard, but you knew I was not from here.
Had the musicians taken their places? I didn’t notice, did you?
Strangers from exotic cities, and kindred spirits here
I am not sure what you heard, but you knew I was not from here.
That sunny afternoon, I was more than glad that we were
strangers from exotic cities, and kindred spirits here.
I first saw you at a table, shaded by a white umbrella.
Author notes
Form/Prompt...A and F (Secret and Music)
A contest entry
- Obscure Forms 01: The Pantoum (options -- points will go up) by intoothandclaw.
550 points, ended January 5, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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What a lovely pantoum, the flow is so smooth and takes the reader through a wonderful meeting at an event where two people might become something more complicated than it appears. The stanza are tied together without feeling forced and move forward slowly to gather in the relationship developing. Good luck with the contest
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What song inspired this? Very interesting... it immediately sets a particular mood that for some reason makes me think of Impressionist paintings -- that light-full style.
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Echoes in harmony
Don't know what more to say, I love this short and playfully enigmatic poem. Leaves the impression that it could keep on going indefinitely, perpetuating the same feeling like a single snapshot memory that plays over and over, adding layer upon layer of harmony.
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This is a very pleasing piece... I was quite taken with it.
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This is very beautiful. I am impressed. You have made a difficult form speak wonderfully. I will pimp this poem to some friends. Bravo!
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