Sleazy back-street hotel, hideout of the destitute: I'm sitting, falling, wondering how I ended up here, looking back and painting tear-stained memories upon faded yellow walls; a watercolour mural of tragic mysteries - did I paint this? It seems so real. From the shadow, Amniotic Lullabies sing to soothe my pain, crushed and beaten; stretched skin peels - just like the walls - I long to be 'comfortably numb' in that Amniotic casket, mass-grave of babydolls.
I try so hard to scream but eulogies to the silent dead that live and roam in waking dreams are all that fill my soul; the lullabies tail off like interminable trails of cigarette smoke into piercing artificial lights that cauterise the very atmosphere. Memories of childhood sand pits, now turned to glass and fractured, flit like shadows across a wondering full-moon in a world where obituaries are fables told to settle kids.
I can be pain and hurt and you, my all-too-willing experiment. And when this is finished you'll write your story in my blood, breathe my oxygen, and leave me to live in my fluid cage: once again to listen to the Amniotic Lullabies.
A contest entry
- the way we fall. by aanika.
990 points, ended November 24, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me your best! by Forgotten Anomaly.
1000 points, ended November 10, 2008, 63 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Drug/Morbid Prewrites by XneverXgoodXenoughX.
1200 points, ended October 14, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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i really like the last line of this poem. i think that it makes it what it is. amazing job and thanks for sharing. good luck
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"I'm sitting wondering how I ended up here, looking back and painting tear-stained memories upon the faded yellow walls; a watercolour mural of mysteries - did I paint this, it seems so real"
Beautiful
"breathe my oxygen and leave me to live in my fluid cage: once again to listen to the amniotic lullabies."
What.
An.
Ending.
Loves it, Rob!
Keep it up
[I think this is my favourite piece of yours so far]
Shelly
x
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i like your style; it's prose, but too poetic to be completely so. the images and flow are fantastic, as well as the way you bring back certain themes, like "amniotic lullabies".
i'd watch out for the occasional typo, but other than that i'd say you're a pretty fantastic writer yourself. -
Wonderful use of words, they all seemed to fit so well. Fabolous imagery, vibrant, colorful, emotional... everything- this is amazing. I'll take it this is a story poem thing? Wonderful. Thank you for entering my contest.
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This is truly incredible. The imagery is astounding. This is like a twisted fantasy with so much evident pain and darkness. I love this. The language is tremendous. I feel I must read this a few times to truly absorb it. What was that about never writing anything so poignant?
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WOW! Little brother, you have outdone yourself! That old soul is showing through your writings! Such a pain filled piece yet the imagery is amazing! I can see the picture clearly in my mind. Amazing write!
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love the name mate, well written as always
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Wow, you did an awesome job with this poem!!! I love it. its really powerful, i want to read it again to understand it more. really well written, and good use of the words you'd been given.
I am usually not a fan of poems that are in chunks like this, but you make it flow and the use of the paragraphs was exellent each one telling a differen't side or part of the story.
Wonderful peice! Keep writing!
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