in the season of rust
I wear a dress
torn at the edges
because my hands
used to tremble a lot
now they don't
not really
except when
I think about the smudged kohl
that stares at me
from inside the mirror
(that I once had been addicted to)
my face has died
ever since...
that fork in the road
that stabbed at my heels
[bloody footprints]
I'm a stain
that wouldn't rub off
no matter how much I'm soaked
I've spent my skin
in bedsheet rolls
(hoping to fall somewhere)
trying to sell my soul
(even for free)
to disappear into
the interstices of drum beats
(why do I keep finding myself again?)
my mouth is a hammer
and my dreams are nails
that I've hit too hard
and bent
(they couldn't even pierce me properly)
Author notes
Title Prompt: Sleeping on Bed of Nails
Inspired by the Bollywood movie "Fashion".
A contest entry
- Decisions Have Been Made. No Questions/ No Answers. ENTER TO WIN. by PassionsPromise.
5701 points, ended December 27, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critiques welcome!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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hammered the point!
I love the unique form to this- yes I- mostly write by hand the mind often thinks to fast and not in meters. And I find after 25 yrs of writing it is much better to scribe by hand. I find this really interesting I found the line interesting “I think about the smudged kohl that stares at me in the mirror.” We have all experienced those tears- me thinks you too hard on self but we all are at times interesting write. I am new here and I was sad to see – my “you know” poem was one of the only poems you have not read in your contest. I hope you do and tell me honestly what you think. Your very creative and I adored your choice of form and words- hammered the point. wouldnt change a thing- here.. purrrfect as is//
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oo.. thanks!
i'm really glad to hear you enjoyed this a lot.
with writing, you just have to free those words and images that are stuck in your mind.
really, thanks for the comment! i appreciate it.
i've been out of AP for the past few days, but don't worry, i'll be reading every entry. i have to!
contest rule.
i'll try to comment. but if i comment, i might be brute honest to what i feel about the piece. warning you in advance. 
this time, for the contest, i'm looking for a specific something. so i COULD be annoying.
bless ya!
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excellent'e, cannot be beat.
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wow such a great write you have here! I enjoyed this very much. I think you did a lovely job with the prompt given. keep up the good work.
well pend.
andi
(redhanded) -
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Thank you very much! I really appreciate your comment! I'm glad you enjoyed this.
bless you!
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This is very good, and you have inspired me to write freehand like this. Tony
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ooh. coolio!
haven't you ever written freehand? you've only stuck to metre or what?
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Sleeping on Bed of Nails
Best wishes
Passions`
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