it’s monday-rule.
bites into my head
& chews
like a tigress without her tiger,
her baby in the abattoir
of sensitivity.
chews on my head
with teeth like the jungle
& feeble feet,
swallows
digests
shits
me
out
in between
levels of measurement
& a margin for error
bigger than the moon,
although we try.
although i try.
the probabilities behind it
fascinate the cloudy season
that my head is,
but
why can’t the hours
just
pause for a pill
& a glass full of home?
Author notes
Oct. 19, 2008
Why can't we have a couple of those classes on Tuesday? Whywhywhywhywhy?
A contest entry
- Frustration by Polaja.
1200 points, ended November 13, 2008, 40 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Not Ready for Monday by Danna Hobart.
550 points, ended August 9, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Honesty.
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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There is brilliance in here. Thank you for entering my contest.
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Mazel tov ♥
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I think this is great. I think the metaphors are well thought out and followed through nicely. I love the way there are metrical changes that yield a sense of dissconnect throughout the entire piece. It's relatable. Anyone can empathize, and it's graphic enough to make a clear statement without being so graphic that it loses its simplicity and becomes self-isolating. Good work. I don't think it needs any revisions. If anything, play and see how you feel about adding clarity to your imagery.
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Wow, thank you for such a beautiful comment
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I love the metaphor of this ... the best part for me was the 'chews on my head' - it just seemed so downright awesome the one thing that I would have changed if I were you, is that since you don't really talk in slang in this poem, I think 'marge' should be 'margin' - but that is just me 
... the ending was perfect - I know what it feels like to just want to go home sometimes ... and otherwise lovely lecturers who have the unfortunate ability to make you sleepy as soon as they open their mouths excellent!
Thank you for entering
Polly
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Oooooh! I like this one, WONDERFUL metaphor! I want to make it clear truly how wonderful. I really enjoyed the succinct nature of this piece! Fantastically penned!
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i'm with you on that one.
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So, this has to get a trophy.
"like a tigress without her tiger"
I ♥ tigers, love this simile, love your writing.
'abattoir'
What the hell does this mean again?
I see this word once every few eras, look it up in the dictionary, and forget what it means...
*5 seconds later*
Oh okay, it's a slaughterhouse...
easy enough to remember.
Gracias.
Jessica
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"a glass full of home?"
That hit hardest. And tomorrow is monday. And I have an exam. And I should be studying.
and not reading poetry.
no matter how good.
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Aww Thank you!
Yeah... tomorrow's Monday and I have 10 hours of school
Doomed by school, huh?
& you're funny. -
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10 hours is downright torture.
I can help you abolish school if you want
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Hehe, I know, right?
Yup, we should start a movement. Or somethin'. -
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yeah... we should umm .. start with..
water balloons!
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Thanks!
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