Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Powdered

 

I’m rocking,
denying the heat
of internal fires

Snorting saline
off dirty shoestrings
etched in mud

Creativity left,
brazen of heart’s
dead song

Dehydrating
within society,
vitality the cost

Door watching,
I’ve succumbed
to destiny’s call

White noise
lifts me gently.
I’ll never again fall.


In a list

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 37 of 37

  • Swan song gold member
    June 10

    Edit | Reply
    nicely penned what struck me the most was the flow of it. While most poems that are shortlines seem a bit herky jerky this one was smooth.
    refelcts that a little love was put in it!


  • Desire gold member
    May 26

    Edit | Reply

    Oh My~

    You know when I read the part: White noise...
    the images that came into my Mind
    and wild as it sounds...it lifts me gently also...
    I so find it soothing~ Bravo Gypsy~ Another Powerful piece and speaks volumes
    I also Love the word: etched
    Thank You for sharing Your Talent
    Best wishes in all You do
    with love & light~ Desire~*~


  • individuality gold member
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    i like the poem first and foremost - the backgroud i think of keys - key chains - i like the colours. browns abd blues ae my favs.,


  • Morbid Mystery
    May 12
    Edit | Reply
    This is so mysterious and such an enchanting poem.
    Really love your work


  • Poetic Tasha Moderators member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    oooh deep write here hun,
    surely does make you weave between the lines to see whatelse there in lies...

    excellent

    Tasha

  • individuality gold member
    March 17
    Edit | Reply
    it is so easy to get involved in poetry - i love it, as soon as i saw rocking i was moving forwards and backwards at a gentle pace - a good opening. there is a hard-edged tone here - making me thing of someone wandering the streets, dirty, unkempt etc - a spirit sighing in the darkness of a lost muse, a lost love, where creative thoughts spiral away. dehydrating within society - i feel like that myself a lot, stuck in this tower, alone, though in communication thankfully again - the lust for life here in the poem seems dejected, waiting for a new experience to lift it into clouds, smiles. then a slumping of the shoulders with destiny's call. the ending moves away a little from the sadness i think, it holds a positive note in my eyes, being lifted from the mire and dusted down - a good poem.




  • Maatkara gold member
    December 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can relate to the mood this evokes - the demands and distractions of the mundane and others' expectations can distract, supress and mask our true self and aspirations. Well done

    I love the image too


  • quack silver member
    December 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is really good but feels kinda sad. i hope your ok


  • Valley Girl silver member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic imagery with an eerie feel to this. You have really painted a picture with your words. Thank you for sharing as well as commenting on my poem too.


  • poetryality silver member
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "white noise" can be deafening! Your poem speaks to issues that seem to shroud themselves in a veil of misconceptions. We tend to flavor our words, seasoned with salts from ocean's depth. Your words seep into the soul. I am sitting here after reading with the hmmm...look on my face. Between the lines is a skillful way to muse. This poetry is very original and shares with the reader so many avenues we travel in this life. I hope all that I just expressed made sense.

    EXQUISITE!


    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • CookieZeal Greeters member
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    awesome, profound

    I haven't read anything this tight in awhile. Very polished, reflective. The ambiguous references point to the heart so that it clearly illustrates something sharp and profound happens. I love the "white noise". Love the merging of sound and vision.
    Snorting saline
    off dirty shoestrings
    etched in mud

    Very effective poetic devices. Gosh. Must read more of your work. Inspiring.



  • Rose Angel gold member
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Vivid imagery conjures up all kinds of images here...I see you there....between the saline, dehydration, and your own thoughts and feelings...Such a powerful write of impact..You evoke quite a response from the reader..Excellent!


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    November 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hood Wink!

    Wowzers!
    What an incredibly powerful write that just shocks the system a little as read ... I found myself needing to read this a couple times ... almost like I couldn't turn away

    ♥
    Stay safe
    ~Manda
    (Apologies for late Hood-Wink!)


  • Polaja Greeters member
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    100th Hood-Wink!

    I love the "snorting saline" bit of this poem - it was my favorite line ... this is a very strong poem and I like the rhythm of the short lines and harsh imagery - very well constructed!

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • Lady Altheia
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    100th hoodwink

    Hmmm, I like the use of word choice and your words are charged with poweful emotions. I don't really follow your meaning or how it fits the title. I wish you the best of luck in your future writes.


  • debilynn gold member
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i sense much underlying meaning within these words, all very thought provoking. thank you for sharing your talent. keep writing! God bless you always


  • Sandra R Reynolds gold member
    November 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    100th HoodWink

    Great write and imagery.


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    100th Hoodwink!

    Powerful write -much to read between the lines.
    Life is dry in every aspect, one is desperate for the "flow" of nature,love, muse to return.

    Anyway, that's how I read this. Excellent!


  • Simply Simple
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    100th Hood-Wink!

    Woah... I love your word choice. You took something that could've been so simple and dull and made it worth reading. Rather short, but I enjoyed it as much as any epic.


  • ml12
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    100th Hood-Wink!

    The fifth stanza was really beautiful for me. I'm not really sure what it is about but I do like the imagery and your choice of words. Cheers


  • Twinstar
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    100th Hoodwink!!!

    A very deep write, and powerful. Well crafted, and I especially like the 3rd stanza:

    Creativity left,
    brazen of heart’s
    dead song

    Brilliant!

    Love & Light
    Debbera

  • Desire gold member
    November 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Oh My Word~

    When I got to the White Noise part- My Mind went Zap-
    Oy!!
    Another Powerful piece and pretty soon You are going to short circuit me girly

    and the 'snorting saline'
    My nose burned~ talk about feeling it
    Yep I Love this one too
    I even hugged myself this swelled my eyes
    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~

  • ea silver member
    November 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this expresses powerful disappointment and resolve.


  • Joseph Hollis
    November 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    An excellent piece. I sense much underlying meaning within these words. A very abstract and thought provoking read. It leaves room for many interpretations. I enjoyed the reference to white noise,which draws its power from white light. Thanks for sharing.


  • catz Moderators member
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very deep write, saying more between the lines than the lines themselves. If this is about life going forth, then ending, you've done a specular job with it... even if it doesn't say that it's a spectularly wonderful piece.

    Dee


  • georgie
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    gorgeous as always hon... im guessing the end is about death but on a positive note... its hopeful too. life is all a test,
    huge hugs,
    georgie,
    xxx


  • Salt Therapy
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    White noise
    lifts me gently.
    I’ll never again fall.

    Outstanding... truly beautiful. I am speechless.


  • Handcuffs of Love
    November 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh sweetheart. Please don't let yourself fall. This was a good one too. I liked it. You really express yourself within your peoms. I hope things get beter for you soon. I really do. This showed your emotion spectacularly. Great detial and description and flow.


  • Cyber Artist Moderators member
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow gypsy this was deep as, I felt like a voyeur peeking where I shouldn't but with out the guilt. Does this mean I need therapy? Listen carefully to the white noise because there is so much to be heard there. Loved the metaphor of Dehydrating within society, very descriptive well done
    Cyber Artist


  • WinterLove
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I read this and had to add it to my list of favorites, brilliant. I especially love the ending, "I’ll never again fall."


  • Lucian Valcor
    October 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this seems way different then what i normally read from you i like it it seems raw and full of real emotion i can almost feel, lovely work gypsy i do look forward to more like this

    Lucian "


  • suseann
    October 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This says to my limited understanding of it's depth. That self accomplishment must be reaffirmed. Massively knee deep in a blue funk maybe. Could be as "stompsalot" suggested too on topic. But sounds troubled none the less. Been there,done that! Way....too often. Was this from an observers perspective? If so..,what a sensitive compassionate soul to lament anothers worries. You've got me stymid otherwise. Very lamenting deep piece here!

    • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
      October 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hi you Thanks for stopping by. I will get over your way in soon. Been working on graphics. Hope all is well with you. Gypsy


  • symitar Moderators member
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Glad to be along for the ride on this one - I hope it is the start of a lot more to come. You already know what it said to me - trapped by our own insecurities with old movies to keep us company. Thanks for everything you do.

    sym


  • stompsalot
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    interesting piece! powerful imagery! its been awhile since i have read your brilliant writes...
    i think this portrays a drug addict, quite vividly. i could be wrong?
    hugs and blessings *stomps

1 - 37 of 37