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Lay Me Gently Down

I never saw the sun shining as bright,
my love, as sparks that burn from in your eyes.
I never saw this thing going so right,
you showed me ways to meet your loving sighs.

With you, the man who taught me, I could feel,
as you lay me gently down upon your bed.
your lips embrace my skin to melt my steel
then cup the bud where teeth can softly tread.

As senses rise, I’m lost in rhythmic heat,
you peel away my fears, expose my core,
reveal my soul with gentle probing beat,
to send me flying where the eagles soar.

A kiss, a touch, remind the girl, your pet,
you leave me wanting whilst your needs are met.

Author notes

The challenge

I will get straight to your challenge. This time around, each of you are going to search this site to find someone who is not only a relatively new poet here, (joined within last year) but also one that is new to writing erotica. I'd like for you to read through some of their writes and find something that inspires you to write. Once you do, there are a few things I'd like for you to do.

1. COMMENT on the piece that inspires you. Tell them that what they wrote has inspired you to write.

2. once you write something, include in your AN the name of that poet and the link to the piece that inspired you.

3. Return to the poets piece and leave the link to your own for them to read.

Chosen poet is Just a Poet

Chosen Poem is http://allpoetry.com/poem/4679927

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16
  • The D O M
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is superb, as a quick read of my output will show I am a sucker for a sensual sonnet and I know Just a Poet and am sure he was more than a little flattered here!


  • Raining Kisses silver member
    December 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is a wonderful gently creative write


    • Corvus Corone
      December 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment, I had a wonderful inspiration to work with.


  • Glasyalabolas
    November 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love this one, beautiful, gentle and hot.

    Good write.


  • luckynsincere
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great piece for the challenge this week I love that you kept the rhyme soft and the flow... well it is superb! GREAT WORK! and good luck in the judging

    Mel


  • tanzanite
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    All I can say is that you did a great job and I concur with the other judges on their scores. I am giving you full marks too. Just for everyone's sake I am going to write it out though.

    Spelling/ grammar/ punctuation: 20

    Creativity/ presentation: 20

    How well you handled the challenge: 20

    Grab me effect: 20

    Overall: 20

    Total: 20


  • shimmer
    October 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love how this poem responded to the one you chose. i can see where this could go on longer with the other writer writing with another response and you returning the favor, just wishful thinking on my part as i would love to see this go on.

    spelling/grammar=20
    presentation=20
    how well you handled the challenge=20
    grab me=20
    overall=20

    total=100

  • Riftkin gold member
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sister dear this is amazing, you did an outstanding job with this. I read her poem and understand why you picked this style, it suits you well.

    Riftkin

    • Corvus Corone
      October 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you my sweet sister. Little cunning of me to pick a sonnet but I know sonnets make my erotic muse go into sensual on steroids.


  • The Poetic Angel
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow Jems m'Lady

    this is awsome

    you have chosen a great new poet
    i think i need to read some more than just the poem that inspired your write

    xxx Your angel xxx

  • Just a poet gold member
    October 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful piece of writing, inspired by me you said, WOW.
    I am very flattered.


  • Master Ktulu silver member
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have definately done justice to the chosen poem of inspiration. You have shadowed the write to perfection almost writing as a counter to the original. Well done.

    spelling/grammar/punctuation-20

    presentation/creativity-20

    how well you handled the challenge-20

    "grab me" effect (how much did we enjoy reading this piece)-20

    overall-20

    Total-100



    Congrats on the perfect score!

    **Master Ktulu**


  • hotchocolate gold member
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful write! You did a great job on this hon

    As senses rise, I’m lost in rhythmic heat,
    you peel away my fears, expose my core,
    reveal my soul with gentle probing beat,
    to send me flying where the eagles soar

1 - 16 of 16