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Remnants of a loser

Clouds get dark
eye-lids close
the door closes
eating up a dark scoop of the dark dessert
Light seems distant and far
as it evades me with foot forward
getting back the portion I covered with my foot
Only to make it as distant as ever
A lightning strikes
the sound exceeding the sounds in my mind
silencing the latter
like an undisguised blessing.

Eye opens, second envies and follows suit

An idea reached my head
like a loosely held straw in a glass of soda
Open the door - I did
Open the house - I did
Made two steps instead of one
Ran instead of walking
As light withdrew
in a pace slower than mine
From seeming like a flourouscent kite in the darkest sky
to a dark kite in a bright sky
I saw the light eat up the dark
Far and distant seemed near and dear
and dear and dear with every step
as I merged with the light getting bright
understanding that the good is what is left
after facing the bad
For the remnants of an alive-loser
is success, success and more success

A contest entry

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Comments


  • mcw120588
    November 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    the images are strong and the emotion strong though there are many mistakes regarding tense and number. you say "ran" then walking etc. needs some cleaning up and if you need help with that i can go into it and work with you more thoroughly on it. once that is done this will be an excellent write.