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Shooting the Messenger


The words that I have forced in your defence
have defecated on the layered mound of half-love.
The sheer stench is almost as suffocating
in what remains of my pill-crested chest
as the body pressing my former child
against cold winter walls in silence.
Almost as suffocating as the decade silence
and the dirt that clogs these lung linings.

Almost. But you are worse; asphyziation
through this selfish tug-o'-war that
once won will present you with me,
the trophy, the rope stretched to break.

But you've never liked to win, and yes -
you do have enough crap already.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Kiss the girl--x
    October 24, 2008

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    'The words that I have forced in your defence
    have defecated on the layered mound of half-love.
    The sheer stench is almost as suffocating
    in what remains of my pill-crested chest
    as the body pressing my former child
    against cold winter walls in silence.
    Almost as suffocating as the decade silence
    and the dirt that clogs these lung linings.'


    amazing.

    remember to smile.
    and I'm still here I promise, even though wallowing in self pity, I'm here for extra long essay like comments and general help, promise

    loves.
    hope you're okie

  • a n e s t h e s ia
    October 19, 2008

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    I LOVE it. It is the extreme opposite of this comment. I hope all this comes to pass as it should... and it surely will

    The sheer stench is almost as suffocating
    in what remains of my pill-crested chest
    as the body pressing my former child
    against cold winter walls in silence.

    ~A great write, my friend.