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Bleed, Everyone's Doing It

Slice down those slender thighs,
Make a puddle of blood.
Cut away your pain and sorrow,
Then wash away with suds.

Cleanse your mind of hate and fear,
Let the water flow.
Regret the thoughts you felt for him,
Down the drain they go.

Let the memories slip away,
Let your heart go hard.
Force your mind and soul to numb,
And once you're done, restart.

Caress yourself, regret this choice,
But don't forget the pain.
Remember the wonderful feeling you got,
To do it once again.

Get rid of any evidence,

Clean the weapon good and dry.

Sit and wait to fall asleep,

Then stare at the night and cry.

 

Bleed blood, shed tears,

Now what's been done is gone.

Move past this horror you've done to yourself,

And begin to move along.

Author notes

yeah i know its also the name of a song...
and that its not very good...
so any comments OTHER than those r gladly appreciated

:P comments would be awesum

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • okay i read this again and i really really like it, BUT, slice is just way tooo agghhhhhhh. thats my only issue.


  • XxpooranatevkaxX
    October 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this. The meter of it was kind of weird, but otherwise it was great. I love how it was more of a call rather than a command. I also liked how it started with so much pain, but had hope peeking through towards the end. I enjoyed how the title wasn't the first line of the piece, how it was more of a ... message, I guess. Awesome write, by the way.


  • XdazingXstargazerX
    October 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    yes i realized i spelled check wrong geez

  • XdazingXstargazerX
    October 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    your a beautiful little girl though jaclyn, remember that...
    dont cut yoself! thats tifa's thing!
    does tifa need to do an arm check jacly??
    or a.. THIGH check?
    cuz i dont really wanna chack your thighs...
    peace love and happiness...
    and of course, music

  • XdazingXstargazerX
    October 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    dude! nasssttyyy!!!

    i agree with dame de la, but im the only one allowed to diss your poems....
    this ones actually a step up, and not so bad, just wayy to disgusting and graphic....
    your last stanza makes absolutely NO SENSE though...
    and thighs?!?!?! dude! no...
    ehhhhh grossssss


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i wish sometimes that bleeding away the pain would help, this is a wonderfully done poem that just grabs toy and keeps you, til the the end, keep it flowing


  • dame de la riviere
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well the title doesn't really match the poem...you could pick a few words from the poem to make you title...and really, it's not a good idea to encourage this sort of thing; it's a terrible cycle and a sickness depression is and too many young would be writers on this site tend to glorify it. Peace

1 - 7 of 7